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Thursday, August 14, 2014

Therapist Letter to Parents Who Send Their Daughters To Seminaries Far From Home!

Is Meir Kahane from Chedvas Seminary a Fake, fraud and a phony? Read the following letter sent to us!

I am a therapist, frum, no not just frum but FFB. I am American born and bred, practicing in Israel. 

I am not a newcomer comer to Yeshivos and Seminaries, like I have said I grew up in the mainstream frum American world (rare among therapists, and even more rare among mechanchim in Israel. But I write this as a regular yid, who happens to have inside exposure to the mess.

I pride myself in having gone to Yeshivos and my family in every direction too. There may some due criticism for all mosdos, and lots for specific ones, but by and large they do devoted and hard work for our children, as was done for us.

Firstly, let us acknowledge this; the vast majority of people working in chinuch are devoted and honest people, who are moser nefesh for a praiseworthy goal. Those who don’t live up to this standard, who are not honest and fair and even worse abusive are the exception. Thank you to all the special true mechanchim!

Now, yes with heartbreak, we must admit not all, and yes it is becoming more and more common, are people we should trust our children, teens or adults too.

As a therapist, I often deal with such cases, of neglect and outright abuse of all types. Whether the issue stems from parents, friends, strangers or the teachers themselves, too often mechanchim and even rabbonim are implicit. It is simply rare to find people who will stand up for the truth, who are not afraid of it. Who will get up and put down their foot to protect and prevent abuse.

At the end of the day, adults are responsible for themselves, people need to fight for their rights, fairly and honestly. Parents are responsible for their children, and as such all I can say, is that it is FRIGHTNING how foolish and willfully blinded people can be when making decisions on where and why it is safe to go places.
(It causes great harm when so many innocent are accused, often by rumors or clearly non-reliable people and their lives ruined without fair and honest investigation. Please, lets be wary of unconfirmed rumors, and be very careful who we really can trust to say one was guilty. Ironically the guilty usually get away and the innocently framed get nailed and shattered).

For many of us in the field this specific expose came as no surprise, nor is it the first time such 'problems' were discovered in seminaries. The writing has been on the wall for years! People in the know make no secret of the questionable situations which come up constantly for young impressionable girls away from home. 

The options include but are not limited to; 
hashkafic crumkeit (the majority of seminaries proudly entertain all types of 'Jewish thought' -little do parents knew what their child will be exposed to), 

sexual education -undesired, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, manipulating for egotistic reasons, peer abuse, dangers of all sorts from within and without seminaries, and more. Every year a number of girls learn the hard way. Not a small number, I myself have a connection with a few dozen a year! And I obviously do not come across all. (I am not only referring to abuse, but also other situations, such as girls getting a lot deeper than they planned or their parents can imagine with other people, etc..).

So, pray tell, Who are we relying on to protect the young and dumb? 

How do we expect young trusting girls to see through delicate guises?! 

I hate to say it but the recent letter from one unscrupulous 'menahel' forces me to cry out! To cry out with the pain of those precious souls we fool ourselves these people are protecting, I have seen too much to be quiet!

We don’t need to be savvy to realize that a person who abuses, is rarely a one time crime. Common sense (and statistics) tell us that those who abuse their powers of charisma and stature are generally repeat offenders. It doesn’t compare to a one time drunk attacker. 

And yes, if a Beis Din of the stature and worldliness of the Chicago beis din, stood up and made a hard statement after months of investigation, clearly only a fool will still be unsure. If they stood up to the danger of taking on a man is not a nobody, a tough guy from powerful background close to home for themselves, this wasn’t a joke. And like I noted, for those in the now the writing has been on the wall for a while.

Just in case anyone could still believe no one knew something was amiss, that not one staff member of this person wasn't privy to real life stories or grounded suspicions is ludicrous.

Most people shuddered when they read the words of Kahane, one of the henchmen. No this is not his fist blatant attempt to cover-up evil for his own advancement. The same manipulative; "you are the saviors, You are my army, Mashiach is coming I have inside info, just follow me" is standard methods for narcissistic manipulators.

This year there was case involving a student in Kahane's 'care'. Nothing that would have implicated him, it actually had no connection to him nor did he bear any responsibility for it. His only connection was that he knew for a while something was desperately wrong and not only did he not deal with it properly, he made sure to control the situation and use it to manipulate the student to remain silent. The name of the seminary stood before him, sic. Somehow the cover-up ended up at the door of one the leading English Rabbonim. This Rov in turn bravely didn't just go to the next caller, like others might but begged a close student of his, a Rabbi and Therapist trained specifically on abuse, to help and evaluate the situation. Warning the Rov of the working of these 'mechanchim', but infuse with a sense of duty, not to allow these people to continue to push peoples pain under the carpet, they took it on.

Sure enough it was soon confirmed that there was a real problem, and worse the seminary and others were exasperating it. At first he repeatedly stated, that proper help was expensive and not his problem (this is called a caring mechanech?) "who cares" its not my problem. But he adamantly refused to concede and allow the proper services to be offered. When he saw his sweet assurances that he knew all and was taking care of were not being accepted due to there absolute falsity.

As soon as this 'Kahane' realized his sweet talk didn't work, he went on an all out battle against this therapist. 
Literally threatening him that he will ruin his name, reputation, harm his family, frame him, etc.
"you are young and know nothing about the real world, if I let people now you are making trouble, your whole life will be ruined. You'll be done, for your own good look away" 

All along kahane swore that anyone but himself would only cause damage to the victim, only he knew (by prophesy we can assume, same channel as 'sinking feeling mashiach is coming bec of him') how to deal with it and what was good for her. Go wonder why he threatened, but refused to prove the proper care was actually being offered. Can we believe a word from such a source?

Worse yet, this Rabbi and Therapist had confirmed (through myself and knowledge from my cases)and in consultation with leading Mental Health Professionals and Rabbonim that Mr. Kahane himself was fully implicit and perhaps more.

I still can hardly believe it but so recklessly and foolishly was he determined to cover-up and 'be in control', that Kahana went so far as to summon the police to the home office of the therapist in middle of the night on supposed fear of an endangered missing student! (At times, therapists see clients in safe conditions at off-hours, especially in delicate student situations so as to avoid unwarranted attention and danger from others. As protocol, such sessions are recorded and a witness remains throughout to maintain safety of the therapist and client.) 

Of course the police, were quite suspicious being called down to a certified session and having been directed exactly where to find an adult student 'missing'. And the attempted threat to the therapist backfired as the police interrogated the student, worried for her safety in school. 

It turned out that she had actually arrived directly from Kahana's home after her having summoned her there at night and she had told him she was going to the therapist. Luckily, the therapist was able to use connections in police to assure them there was no immediate danger with kahana. No, not for kahana and his seminaries business, but for the sake of the frightened young girl.

I can still hear the worry and pain in the voice of this special therapist, when I was woken by him to consult in middle of the night, he was sick to the stomach at the cruelty this mechnaech had shown to a suffering young child crashing her only safety and subjecting her to the horrifying experience. He cried as he described how she had collapsed with fear when the police arrived and begged in tears that she not be left alone to return to seminary. (A kind frum officer and the therapist kindly escorted visibly trembling back to her dorm.)

Immediately, kahane used his full manipulative skills to scare the student away from seeking help or getting guidance from anyone. And Meisels, the owner of the seminary himself worked hard to make sure the police and others stay away.

When attempting to have other seminary colleagues and some Rabonim assist him in intimidating and threatening the therapist from steering her to help, kahane realized that not everyone was fooled by his charisma, and more importantly that this particular therapist had strong connections to back him in Mental Health circles, Rabbinic circles and power centers that be. Only then did he drop the offensive. In the end, due to the reckless endangerment he was subjecting this student to, after consultation with myself and other colleagues we were forced to step away (I must note, this brave therapist, made one last attempt at personal financial expense to circumvent the monsters and not abandon the victim, though he will never get credit for his act or even be able to see the results). 

I don't know if this girl will ever realize how much trouble 'this loving father to his chedvas students' caused her.

The words of his Folly http://frumfollies.wordpress.com/2014/07/24/kahanes-folly/sicken me to no end, having closely seen how narcissistic this man can be, how dangerous people of his like are.

He has not and will not offer to help his students receive help from this scandal, he will do whatever it takes to ensure his position and protect himself by crushing any attempts to open the box and look around.

As is evidenced in several places firsthand, he wasn't unaware, girls complained to him many times. On young woman described in detail phone conversation she had with Kahane. I can attest to the truth, as the conversation transcribed is so perfectly his style it could not have been made up by someone who doesn't know him. -though that doesn't prove its his words, it does show it is a student.

To all the students of his out there, and of Meisles and others, all I can repeat is the words of one of your peers;
 "Do not talk to me about the fact that I “need a shidduch and the malachim in shamayim might talk bad about me to HKB”H”
(-threat from Kahane) like you did on the phone. 
I am not in seminary anymore and am ZERO interested in a seminary mussar schmooze. I am living in the real world and I know who I am inside. And TRUST ME, HKB”H knows as well and He has my back."

As was mentioned in some of the discussions; 
Kahane is not a representative of the proper Yeshiva world. Thankfully we can say his approach to human pain, to Torah, to teaching yiddishkeit and to self proclaiming himself an mechnaech and General of his army, are the products of our yeshiva system. 

As is often the case, the ones who live and work through false manipulation are the kasha ksapchas. The people who come from elsewhere and tout themselves as great mechanchim, baalei haskafah and experts. 

he same ideals and goals which taint the education and then slyly fill young girls with, tell them to cover and confront anything which gets in their way, it is not just a slight. See Kahana  publicly dismiss the clear and public decisions of Chicago's most senior Rabbonim or in the above incident Yerushalyims senior Poskim.
These people are represented of Torah MiSinai, their strength in kiruv arises from mastering manipulative techniques. 

The new development is their people have moved into the seminary business and used the same techniques on Bais Yaakov girls who are more vulnerable because unlike the secular Jews, they are not used to thinking critically about the positions of rabbis.

The four seminaries involved in this scandal, were heavily staffed by out-of-the-box teachers and Rabbis. 

Is there a shortage of normal, ffb, who can give over the same chinuch and haskafah we guarded for generations? 
 For some reasons, Miesles chose, as do many, to surround himself with pawns, people with their own agendas who would not wish to ruin their own careers and agendas with some bothersome incidents. 
Of course, Kahana forgot to mention in either letter that he feels sorry and wants to help any victims of his partner, of course he will do all he can regardless of the facts to silence with holy reasoning any whistleblowers.

Parents, girls, be careful! Don’t just allow the human desire to imagine all is fine to fool you. We need to be careful. If it is necessary to send a young girl far away on her own, we need to be very wary of whose care we entrust her!
As far as the letter from Kahane, please use your sechel, there is nothing more I can say than:
Manipulative, false, corrupt, disgusting and scary.

4 comments:

act today said...

if this was true, as a therapist you should have encouraged the girl to do something substantial.
You yourself should have done something substantial.
you yourself should have signed your post.
you yourself should have-AND STILL CAN- save a lot of girls- call Rabbis Feldman, malinowitz- or yarmush. certainly when faced with the truth of your testimony they would have to remove Kahane at once.
Enough hearsay. you heard it from the girl? do something. NOW

act today said...

now lets see how brave you are. We believe your name is
B.............n, you are 27, and not a certified therapist.
will you admit that?

Anonymous said...

see these:
http://frumfollies.wordpress.com/2014/07/22/what-a-meisels-seminary-is-saying-to-parents/

http://frumfollies.wordpress.com/2014/07/21/shah-shtil-in-meisels-shtetl/

http://frumfollies.wordpress.com/2014/07/24/kahanes-folly/

read the words of these teachers and the many firsthand comments. scary. I don't know how to understand this

Anonymous said...

I don't think I would say he is a fake or phony. surely no innocent dude. just mixed up guy