Today, on the 15th of Av, it is customary to write about the large number of couples who get married at this time of year, but perhaps it is actually more important to write about singles, those who are unmarried.
As it was originally celebrated in ancient Israel, today's holiday will forever be associated with those searching for a lifetime partner.
So here are a few words from Rav Yoni Lavi concerning an insufficiently publicized sector:
single men or bachelors.
"To be a bachelor is to see your friend married with three kids, to see your little sister pregnant, to hear your neighbors celebrating the engagement of their son -- and to still believe that HaShem did not forget you and that one day your turn will come.
To be a bachelor is to understand that the extended period of your search is not a burdensome matter that you would rather do without. This period is a kind of 'pregnancy' that is meant to give birth to strengths and capabilities that will serve you well throughout your life.
To be a bachelor is to believe that there are no superfluous dates. Every encounter that G-d arranges for us holds an important lesson in life.
To be a bachelor is to end an unsuccessful date and to think: okay, in any case, for whom would she be a suitable match?
To be a bachelor is to refuse to go out with someone who does not seem suitable to you even when they are pressuring you with 'what do you care? so you lose one evening, it's not a big deal.'
"To be a bachelor is to see your friend married with three kids, to see your little sister pregnant, to hear your neighbors celebrating the engagement of their son -- and to still believe that HaShem did not forget you and that one day your turn will come.
To be a bachelor is to understand that the extended period of your search is not a burdensome matter that you would rather do without. This period is a kind of 'pregnancy' that is meant to give birth to strengths and capabilities that will serve you well throughout your life.
To be a bachelor is to believe that there are no superfluous dates. Every encounter that G-d arranges for us holds an important lesson in life.
To be a bachelor is to end an unsuccessful date and to think: okay, in any case, for whom would she be a suitable match?
To be a bachelor is to refuse to go out with someone who does not seem suitable to you even when they are pressuring you with 'what do you care? so you lose one evening, it's not a big deal.'
G-d created you with a sensitive heart and you are forbidden to play games with it. To open up and to reveal yourself just to be disappointed again and again leaves the heart weary and scarred.
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STOP THE DAVENING-START THE TALKING
There are Mosdos asking for donations geared especially to those who are desperate to find Shidduchim for themselves or for their loved ones.
These organizations offer to have Gedolim, Rebbes, Roshei Yeshivos, Rabonim, Kabbalists, etc. travel to Mekomos Hakdoshim and daven for a Zivug on behalf of those who send in money.
It is a pathetic way of raising money by taking advantage of people who are in a desperate situation.
We have a situation today where for every 120 nineteen-year-old girls there are only 100 twenty-three-year-old boys to go around.
It would be pointless to daven that all girls should get married since there are simply not enough 23-year-old boys to marry all the 19-year-old girls.
This Tefillah would be asking for the impossible and might be considered a תפילת שוא.
HOW TO SOLVE THE SHIDDUCH CRISIS?
The number one solution to the shidduch crisis is to narrow the age gap between the boys and girls getting married. Davening for this to happen on its own is futile; it is incumbent on us to take the measures to make it happen. The problem is man-made and can be corrected by man בעזהי"ת. It's up to us; we can and should change the trend of having such a wide age gap between the genders.
Perhaps, the time has come of מה תצעק אלי-- ויסעו. We must make a move to correct the problem. We cannot sweep the problem under the rug, nor pretend to solve it with Davening gimmicks.
We must first acknowledge the cause of the Shidduch crisis. Many people aren't aware that the number one cause for the shidduch crisis is the age gap, and if nothing is done to remedy that, then
15%- 20% of the girls will remain Agunos for the rest of their lives.
We must also educate and publicize this to as many people as possible. It is very important that the naysayers be proven wrong.
The only way to narrow the age gap is by facilitating and encouraging the boys to start dating at a younger age. This can be accomplished if the Roshei Yeshivos are on board and implement policies such as:
1. The American Roshei Yeshivos should send away their talmidim to Eretz Yisroel at age 20, and not allow them to stick around past that age.
2. The Israeli Roshei Yeshivos should not accept Bachurim over the age of 20.
3. B.M.G. Lakewood Yeshiva should abolish the "freezer" rule.
Having the Bachurim go to learn in Eretz Yisroel at an earlier age means they will return to America at an earlier age, thus starting Shidduchim earlier and thereby narrowing the age gap.
These might be drastic measures, but we can all agree that the severe tragedy of having girls never get married, remaining Agunos for the rest of their lives, surely requires drastic measures. Now is the time of 'עת לעשות וגו
If the philanthropists, Gevirim,& Askonim who support the Yeshivos want to seriously commit themselves to solve the Shidduch crisis, they would exert their influence on the Roshei Yeshivos and give them the "motivation" to take these necessary steps and policies to effect change.
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