For the nearly 20 charedi families who lost family members in battle or in the Nova music festival massacre, a new challenge has arisen: How do they perpetuate their loved ones in a way that both respects them but also respects the way of life which their parents follow and which was diametrically opposed to their own.
Journalist Yair Ettinger, a member of the Israel Democracy Institute and the Shalom Hartman Institute who focuses on the charedi community, visited several parents of former charedim to see how they are perpetuating their children’s legacy.
Tzivya Krasnitzky, whose son Yaakov died a hero’s death fending off terrorists in Nahal Oz, says that she is proud of her son despite his leaving the charedi mode of life. Yaakov joined a commando unit of the Border Police and studied for university entry, even after he had been described by his teachers as “The next Gadol Hador.”
She describes her son in glowing terms, says she loved him even more after his death, says she had prayed that he would sanctify G-d’s name but never dreamed it would happen in this way and has no regrets about her support for him. Tzivya says she is comforted by the thought that, even after leaving the chareidi way of life, her son reached a place which is “so high I could never have dreamed of it for him.”
Members of the Yotzim LeShinui organization for former charedim consider themselves a community and maintain strong social contacts. Nadav Rosenblatt, the head of the organization, says that the complex situation with the fallen member’s families can vary from acceptance to total rejection and exclusion, especially in light of the choice made by some to do army service, considered anathema in charedi circles.
David Mittleman, a Golani machine gun expert, was adopted by a foster family after leaving his charedi background. David fell in battle while stopping the terrorists from entering kibbutz Kissufim on October 7th. His parents requested that he be buried in a regular civilian burial with no military honors or mention. The foster family from Kibbutz Rosh Tzurim said that they understand and respect the parents’ decision to call him “murdered” on his grave, although stating that he was killed in battle with terrorists.
The second reason the parents did a civilian burial was to prevent Halanas Hameis (leaving the dead unburied) as the IDF was too busy with funerals to perform a ceremony for two days afterwards. The foster family prepared a special pendant with Kriyas Shma and David’s name to be worn by IDF soldiers and distributed 13,000 of these pendants in his memory.
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