So this is a pretty vulnerable post, and I am happy I can advocate for myself.
My 8-year-old was removed from his school for behavioral challenges (the principal said he was not following directions or was disruptive). In February, we had a face-to-face meeting, and the principal decided that my kid should be removed from the school until he is eligible for their ABA program.
I was devastated.
How can a school just reject a child like that?
We were proactive and did what needed to be done to start the process—insurance, get the diagnosis, evaluate, etc. Suffice it to say, the whole process was extremely tedious and took 3 months to complete.
In the meantime, this is happening, and my kid is becoming more and more disengaged and withdrawn.
6 months went by, and we had no idea what to do. As a licensed therapist, I could see the potential risks already being observed by my now 8-year-old, and certain symptoms were concerning to me.
I had people advocating for me and calling the school and pleading for my son to come back temporarily while everything is being completed.
The principal did not budge.
We were rejected and dismissed.
We needed to get an assessment to rule out anything we can. We contacted our local Board of Education, and they guided us by having our son enrolled in the system.
When asked why this assessment needed to be completed, we had to tell them the truth.
Well, fast forward to a few days before, and my husband got a call for confirmation, and the person said that if we don’t enroll our child, the DOE would send a summons.
We did not get in trouble legally.
My kid, as a young 7-year-old, was being enrolled in public school.
I had very mixed feelings, but we know what is best for our child.
He was lacking, for a few months, the structure and routine. He did not have the social and emotional piece that was missing from school.
I could not sit back and watch my child suffer.
The first day happened, and he was nervous, but by the end of the day, I saw that glow on his face and smile. I was beyond happy to see what I was missing.
He was there for a month.
He was treated with respect as far as his observances.
I was so happy to see that.
Fast forward, he has been rejected by a local Lakewood school that I will not mention.
I write this not to offend people but to advocate for the system in general.
Once we were rejected, someone said, “Do you have pull?”
Why should someone have to plead or bargain for a school to accept their child?
I am all for rules, but I believe in authenticity.
I do not believe “dressing the part” is authentic for an interview.
We gave it our authentic selves, and to see us being rejected as well as dismissed is a horrible feeling.
People are afraid my kid will lose his Yiddishkeit, but I believe quite the opposite, as the foundation is in our home.
I do believe his sense of loss for his Jewish values is because of how he has been treated by other schools.
Will this system change?
Timing is everything, and I believe it is time to say goodbye to Lakewood.
I loved some of the people, but my kid’s happiness and values are a much bigger priority, and I do not think he will find them here.
I want my family to be loved and recognized for their true and authentic selves.
I write this to give a voice to the people who were also rejected or dismissed.
Thank you.
Name withheld upon request.
15 comments:
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we can actually interview the school and hear there side of the story
12:39
We already heard the "other side"!
They threw out an 8-year-old!
I see that the Public Schools has no problem handling him, and that is the "other side" of the story!
shame on all of you!
We already heard the "other side"! Did you?
They threw out an 8-year-old! Did they ?
I see that the Public Schools has no problem handling him Do you want your children to go to public school ?
Don't you see the results of the public school education ?
that is the "other side" of the story! Is it really ?
shame on all of you! who is all of you ?
Not sure why you are sooooo angry
is there a problem ? yes
but your'e ranting will not fix the problem
If the kid chalila goes OTD, it’s not the parents fault, it’s the fault of the Ferd unfit for Chinuch who wears a rabbinical costume. First it was the yeshivos ketanos that were hijacked by the businessmen posing as rabbis. Then many of the high school age mosdos started undergoing the same evil transformation
Sad to say we experienced similar in a different community…enormous chillul Hashem in our eyes. Only consolation is to realize that Hashem is in charge so that somehow it will end up better for your child. (Also try to help your child if s/he is neurodivergent.) Let Hashem deal with those yeshiva heads- they will have to answer for their behavior. The mitzvah of chinuch is to educate our children in Mitzvot- it can be accomplished without school. But I hope that if your faith hasn’t been too shattered you will eventually find another yeshiva with proper Torah hashkafa that will value the neshama of your Jewish child. It’s an Olam hafuch for sure, but there will be a final Din and all wrongs will be righted.
I'm sure there's another side to the story because I've seen this happen. A family in my community with a functional autistic son sent him to do a yeshiva year in Israel. He lasted a week. Why?
At home he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. If he wanted to show up for davening, fine. If not, fine. Can't force him. If he wants to walk around during davening, fine. Basically he was raised free range and on a basic level it did work out for him.
But then he entered a yeshiva setting and was told he had to show up and daven and sit through the learning and he'd never had to do that before. Probalby isn't mentally capable of it. So after a week the yeshiva said "Okay, not for you. Bye."
The parents were outraged but ultimately it came down to "Why can't this yeshiva with strict rules and defined system not exempt our boy from all of that because he's special?"
Well really they don't have to. This is their system and if you don't like it, don't send your son there.
Now, the counter-argument should be that since lots of kids like this exist, perhaps the yeshivos should be hiring social workers, psychologists and other experts in autism and behaviour and setting up streams to cater to their children and accommodate their behaviours? The reason the public schools can handle these kids is that they have the resources. It's time to bring them into the Yeshiva system.
3:42
To answer your question
Yes they threw out 8 year old from a Torah institution
Do I want my children to go to public school?
What a sick question!
Just last week a bunch of Israeli Rabbanim came to raise $100 million
yet there are no funds to establish yeshivas for ALL children in the USA! These Rabbanim shouldn't be given a dime, they can have their students enlist!
Well, I will tell you something that you don't know about me, in fact I opened a school in 1987 for children that Yeshivas couldn't handle! After 8 years, because of a lack of funds I had to integrate that school with a Sephardic Yeshiva, and it still exists today but in a small format!
So I tried to fix the problem, and now guys like you should do something; so far this letter that I posted this morning has already hit 37,856 views.
I need to get this out and if you call that a "rant" so be it.
But you don't have to follow my blog but when one of YOUR children will get thrown out a yeshiva, you will then see that unfortunately it is the Public School that will come to the rescue not the Chardie ass'konim!
Lakewood (aka Fakewood) is all about appearances. You cant get your kid into a school unless you wear white shirts and black hats all the time. Hats and jackets even in 100 degree heat. And they created the term "Daas Torah" so that all the sheep bow to the unholy gedolim (of which very few there are). Several men there have been convicted of all kinds of crimes and these same "gedolim" blaim the women for everything. The skirts are too short, the clothes are too tight, the sheitels are too long, etc. As long as the ganovim give their fare share to BMG, all is well. Barelt 10% of the 1000s of guys in lakewood learn a word all day. You know why there are no tests? Because BMG gets govt money for every guy there (like pella grants, etc). This is not the yeshiva that Rav Kotler imagined. It was for the eilte learners only, not for every lazy bum that wants to marry rich and never work a day in his life. This Kollel lifestyle has caused more harm to judaism that any one of you can imagine. It is the cause of the shidduch crisis; i.e. these "gedolim" choose the resumes for the boys and choose the wealthy ones. The poor girls are left out. Then the girls go out and think the boy is the next R' Akiva Eiger, get married, then realize that he's just a lazy bum. Ergo, tons of young girls divorced , some even with young kids. It is absolutely disgraceful.
Because to disenfranchise an EIGHT year old needs a second side. The headmaster is vermin. Name and shame this shithole.
100%. Our leaders are utterly corrupt
Garnel
My wife teaches in a Israeli Mamlachti school and she has an autistic child in her class, the only requirement for someone with Autism to attend the school is that the child have an assistant . There are hundreds of schools of autistic children in Israel! In fact I know of parents of autistic children who moved to Israel from the USA specifically because its easier to educate these children
Something doesn't add up with that story! !
anonymous writer about an anonymous school on a anonymous blog.
" I opened a school in 1987 for children that Yeshivas couldn't handle! After 8 years, because of a lack of funds I had to integrate that school with a Sephardic Yeshiva, and it still exists today but in a small format!:
In Brooklyn I assume? Do tell more.
Spot on! Bravo! The Haredi world has become like the mafia. Even loansharking, err, I mean “cash advance”. As long as you “go to church on Sunday”, all is good.
היסטאריקער
ok? I'll tell you more...first tell us how your parents met in the DP camps?
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