Letter from a mother whose daughter is in shidduchim!
My daughter recently entered shidduchim, and I find myself increasingly livid that girls are expected to send pictures of themselves to the boy’s family or – worse – the boy himself.
When I was dating, no one needed a picture. When a friend or relative told the boy (or his mother) that the girl was cute or good-looking, it was sufficient. Do we demand proof – say, a report card – that a boy is a good learner or that a girl works hard? No, we trust the person setting them up. The boy and girl can get a deeper appreciation of each other while dating.
Why, then, are looks an exception? Why must that be proven? Pressure to provide a photo makes many a girl feel awful. It only adds to her gnawing sense that she is a commodity, not a person with a neshama.