When the Rebbetzin is a "Transgender"

Harav Hagoan Rachel Zerin Shlitah 

Rabbi Rachel Zerin is one of the rabbis at Temple Emanu-El of Providence. She was ordained from the Jewish Theological Seminary in 2015, where she also received her MA in Talmud. While at JTS, Rabbi Zerin served as student rabbi of Temple B’nai Shalom of Benton Harbor, MI and the Flemington Jewish Community Center in NJ, intern at Rutgers Hillel, and High Holiday rabbi/cantor at Syracuse University Hillel and Temple Aliyah of Needham, MA. Additionally, she completed a unit of Clinical Pastoral Education through JTS at the YM&WHA, where she offered pastoral counseling to seniors.

and the Rabbis "Wife "...now the Rebbitzen Samantha , the "tznuah" .... who was "Sam" just a few weeks ago,..

In our circles, and until a few years ago the entire world, a story like this, would make us burst out laughing ........

A virile Jewish guy with a full bushy beard named Sam Zerin marries a nice Jewish girl in good faith and they have a child together ....

The wife, Rachel Zerin, a Chazzon, earned her BA in "voice Performance & Religion" from Syracuse University then gets  a Masters in Talmud and goes on to become a "rabbi," ..and is basically an accomplished young lady.

Her husband who cannot make a living, decides to teach Yiddish, a language he never spoke before in his entire life, to progressive leftists Jews who will never speak it, and one nice sunny day decides that he is really a girl and wants to use the Ladies bathroom......

I guess if you are not busy, you have time to think all kinds of crazy thoughts...

His wife, the Rabbi, is forced to send an email to her congregation in which she writes:

“Over the past several years, Sam has been exploring Sam’s gender identity,” this has been a journey for both of us, full of introspection, learning, and growth. Through this journey, we have come to realize that, although Sam was raised as a boy, she is in fact a woman, and "she" is ready to begin living "her" life publicly as such.”

So Rabbi Rachel Zerin now also a poisek, paskened le'halacha that Sam is a girl,,, and that's that! She should know because she had a child with him..

I know she was forced to send that email since the congregation followed up with an email stating:
" in order to maintain privacy, the couple asked congregants not to ask them personal questions or offer unsolicited advice"

I cannot wait until the good rabbi comes out with her own "shaalos utshuvois" ... I will be on line to buy it!

As far as where he will "pish" ...
Don't you worry, the shul has it all figured out...

 Senior Rabbi Michael Fell said :
"I think it did heighten a desire in our congregation for us to reevaluate bathrooms and reevaluate accessibility issues throughout the building.”

Below  is a Utube clip of Sam reading a book in Yiddish... and "HER" entire story after the break...

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The following article was written BY JOSEFIN DOLSTEN  in JTA

DIN added "quotation" marks on all pro-nouns... because as far as DIN knows, Sam still has his male parts!

Samantha Zerin headed home from a Yiddish class "she" had taught as part of "her" synagogue’s adult education program on the evening of Dec. 19 and knew "her" life was about to change. 

That evening, the 775 families at Temple Emanu-El would be getting a message that "she" knew would surprise some of the people "she" had gotten to know since joining the community 3 1/2 years earlier.

“Over the past several years, Sam has been exploring Sam’s gender identity,” read a message sent to the congregation from Samantha and "her" wife, Rachel.

 “This has been a journey for both of us, full of introspection, learning, and growth. Through this journey, we have come to realize that, although Sam was raised as a boy, she is in fact a woman, and "she" is ready to begin living "her" life publicly as such.”

The email marked the culmination of a years-long process in Zerin’s life — a rebirth, almost, from the gender identity in which "she" had been raised to the full expression of the one "she" had come to understand had always been inside "her."

It also marked a significant moment for American synagogues:

 Rachel Zerin is the associate rabbi at Temple Emanu-El, a Conservative congregation in Providence, Rhode Island. Samantha Zerin had looked into whether there were any other spouses of congregational rabbis who transitioned whom "she" could contact for support. "She" wasn’t able to find any.

The 33-year-old Yiddish and music teacher and poet had already shaved "her" beard, grew out "her" hair and come out as trangender to "her" wife, family and close friends. Now "she" would announce "herself" as a rebbetzin.

“The rabbi’s spouse is a very public figure, and everywhere I go in our community, people know who I am,” Zerin said. “It’s kind of tongue in cheek to say there are eyes everywhere, but there really are, whether I go to the gym or I’m at the grocery store.”

Rabbis’ spouses occupy high-profile roles in Jewish community. Traditionally the rabbi’s wife, or rebbetzin, would not only cook for Shabbat and holiday dinners but teach classes and offer advice to the women of the congregation. That has changed in the non-Orthodox world, where people of all genders can now become rabbis, but the role of a rabbi’s spouse remains a prominent role, said Shuly Rubin Schwartz, a historian and the incoming chancellor of the Jewish Theological Seminary.

“It’s certainly true that rabbis are public figures, and there’s this also kind of sociological term of rabbis being symbolic exemplars — they’re supposed to live out the values that everyone else is in theory aspiring to live towards — and often the rabbi’s family could get caught up to that set of expectations,” said Schwartz, who has done research on the role of the rebbetzin.

Because of all of this, Zerin knew that "her" coming-out process needed to happen carefully. On the one hand, "she" knew that acceptance of transgender people outside the Orthodox world has become widespread. 

The Reform, Reconstructionist and Conservative movements all adopted resolutions supporting the full inclusion of transgender people in Jewish communities in the past five years, and transgender people — like other members of the LGBTQ community — are gaining greater visibility and increasingly taking on leadership roles in synagogues and other community institutions.

On the other hand, Zerin knew "her" transition ceased to be a private matter because of her family’s role in the community.

“When I came out as transgender, as a woman, then all of a sudden that meant that one of rabbis of this community, who is a woman, is now married to a woman and that’s a big deal,” "she" said.

 “So in a sense, when I came out as trans, I was coming out as myself, as a woman, and forcing my wife along with me. And for that reason, it had to be a dialogue with my wife about when we would do this, and also with the leadership of the synagogue.”

The message to the congregation shared Zerin’s new name and pronouns and said congregants “may also notice changes to Sam’s clothing and appearance.” But in order to maintain privacy, the couple also asked congregants not to ask them personal questions or offer unsolicited advice.

As a rabbinic family, the line between public and private is frequently blurred, but it was important to maintain some privacy, Rachel Zerin said.

“The lines of what is my public life are very different than for most professionals, in the sense that many aspects of my family are public life,” she said. “Pre-pandemic times, we had people over for Shabbat dinner, and showing what we do in our home to community members is part of my role as a rabbi and I embrace that, but there are still boundaries.”

Samantha Zerin’s coming-out was many years in the making. Raised as a boy, "she" never felt drawn to typically masculine things. With time, "she" also started feeling uncomfortable with "her" gender in general.

“For my whole life, everything I said, everything I did, everything I wrote, everything I did in my life was always under the fear that I would be perceived as too feminine,” "she" said.

Zerin never considered that "she" might be transgender because the image "she" had in her mind of transgender women was one riddled with stereotypes.

”My models for transgender women were these characters in movies who would dress up and dance in secret, and then they would be found out and it would be embarrassing,” "she" recalled. “It was this really embarrassing thing and we were meant to laugh at them. The man in the dress is this stock figure in films for getting us to laugh.”

"She" began actively questioning her gender 2 1/2 years ago and last year saw a therapist specializing in gender identity for the first time. The first session was transformative.

“She gave me permission to admit to myself what I had been so afraid to admit, which is that that I’m transgender,” Zerin said.

"She" immediately came out to "her" wife, who "she" said was supportive. But it took seven months, and ongoing conversation with the synagogue’s leadership, before "she" was ready to send that email.

During that time, Zerin created a Twitter account and a blog using a female pseudonym, Shuli Elisheva. "She" would write about "her"struggles with "her" gender — including by writing poems in Yiddish, a language that "she" speaks fluently and is raising "her" 5-year-old son to speak.

Online, Zerin was able to find a community with other transgender women. "She" also found that writing in Yiddish resonated on an even deeper level as "she" felt a similarity between the language and "her" gender transition.

“I didn’t grow up speaking Yiddish. I grew up with Yiddish words around the house mixed into our English, but I never knew it was possible — just as I never knew it was possible for me to become a woman — I never realized it was possible for me to become a Yiddish speaker,” "she" said.

Writing under a pseudonym allowed "her" to express "herself" without worrying about how "she" would be perceived. Coming out to the community meant that layer of comfort was gone.

But in the end, "her" announcement was well received both by "her" own community and the larger Jewish community in Providence. A Facebook post generated hundreds of likes and comments responses, all encouraging, from people around the world and close to home

“If there is a specific way we can lend support in our community of which we aren’t already aware, just let me know,” one Temple Emanu-El congregant wrote. “See you Shabbos.”

Zerin said "she" was received “very, very positively.”

“I was flooded with support. People really respected our request for privacy,” "she" said.

Rachel Zerin found that "her" worries about how the community would respond did not play out.

“There really haven’t been any issues,” "she" said. “I think all of the anxiety was self-created and the lead-up was much worse than the actual coming out, at least for me.”

The positive response in Providence’s wider Jewish community included Congregation Beth Sholom, a local Orthodox synagogue. The 100-household synagogue has around 10 people who have come out as LGBTQ in the last decade, which has helped shift community members’ views.

Still, for many members, Zerin’s coming-out was the their first experience grappling with the issue of transgender rights on a personal level, said Rabby Barry Dolinger.

“For a lot of people, it’s been their own process of actually coming to terms with the issue not on a national or political level, but on a human level. And that’s for how many people, hearts and minds are changed when it’s not an issue, it’s a friend,” said Dolinger, who emailed Zerin a few days after she came out to express his support.

At Temple Emanu-El, where Rachel Zerin works, her wife’s transition has helped push the synagogue to be more inclusive, said its senior rabbi, Michael Fel.

“For years, I think we’ve tried being a place that’s opening and welcoming and accepting of everyone, so I think the community was sort of primed for when she made her announcement — a lot of people said OK,” he said. “We understood that’s part of the people who are in our community, so I don’t think there were any challenges. But I think it did heighten a desire in our congregation for us to reevaluate bathrooms and reevaluate accessibility issues throughout the building.”

Though Temple Emanu-El has a one gender-neutral bathroom, the leadership is in the process of adding an additional one in order to accommodate those who may not feel comfortable going to the men’s or women’s rooms — something that in the past was true for Samantha Zerin.

Zerin said it was transformational for "her" to connect with other transgender women online and see how through hormone therapy they were able to appear feminine. "She" now hopes that "she" can inspire others in similar situations — including partners of rabbis, the people "she" was unable to gain counsel from during "her" own transition — and specifically asked for a photo of "her" before "her" transition to be published alongside one of "her" today to show others that it is possible.

“If I had known all of that 20 years earlier, who knows, I may have transitioned 20 years ago,” "she" said. “I was never aware it was a possibility, and how can you really long for something that you don’t even know is really a possibility?”

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