Not only can you talk the water companies into thinking that water needs an hashgacha but you can now assur peppers & Tomatoes!
Peppers? What can possibly be wrong with peppers?
Tomatoes? Tomatoes now need a hechsher?
Dummy! Yes you.... you are a BIG dummy!
You see the mashgichim got together and said "we got most vegetables covered, we fooled the people that the tiny insects that you can only see under a 100x microscope are chazir treif .... we convinced them that the Rambam's psak that one doesn't have to worry about bugs that cannot be seen by the naked eye, ...... doesn't exist!"
"Nu Nu ...B"H ... we can rip off heimishe families, who have an average of 10 kids, and even though they are dirt poor, we know that they will spend the bucks to buy Bodek and Positive lettuce that have our hashgacha!
And even though there is no way that Bodek and Positive check every single leaf, we will sell them the idea, that they are grown in a green house, even though the vegetables grow in earth and there isn't any earth that doesn't have insects, even in a green house!"
"Also we were B"H successful in asuring most of the RBSH"O's foods such as Strawberries, blackberries, rasberries, asperagus, broccili etc ...
Now the naive sheep ..... baaaaaaaaaa baaaaaaaaaaa, will have to buy them frozen with our hashgacha (ha ha) so that we can enrich ourselves."
***(notice that all the pamphlets that tell you what fruits and vegetables are "infested" are financed by the Hashgacha Companies, there are no independent Rabbonim that have ever looked into it)
"But Oilim Goilem follow what we, the crooks tell them, so we are covered!
We also assured, just like BDS boycott, all Israeli fruits and vegetables ...........
What can we do now to rip off these naive sheep? Baaaaaaaaaaa baaaaaaaa!"
Rav Chaim Meir Vagshall who calls himself the Shiniver Rav (even though there haven't been any Jews living in Shiniav in 75 years ) came up with ingenious idea, let's find something wrong with Peppers & Tomatoes.... .....we will assur peppers & Tomatoes!
The Nirbarter asked .... "Vus? Peppers and Tomatoes? ..... "Peppers and Tomatoes huben nish kein shratzim"? (peppers have no bugs)
Said the R' Chaim Meir .... "you think you know everything? You may have made millions from all the money you ripped off the heimishe naive families .... but you are a stupid meshiginar ...I will find a way"
"Just because there are no bugs on peppers, I will assur it because it has wax!"
"Wax? What's in the wax?"
Asked the Nirbarter while counting the millions.....
"Don't they use carnauba wax (from the carnauba palm tree), or beeswax?"
"Shhhhhhh! You shoiteh Shebeoilim!" shouted the Shiniver!
"We will tell them it's made from shellac (from the lac beetle)!"
"Vos is dus "shellac"? (what is shellac")
Men darf freggen the OU ..zei visen alles." (we have to ask the OU, they know everything!)
"Nu?" Continued the Shiniaver, "So I called the OU and they said that the secretion of the lac beetle is sometimes called "lac resin," and companies possibly use it to coat fruits and vegetables to keep them fresh and pretty."
But said the Nirbarter,
"even if they coated it with "shellac" it's kosher ....
we already paskened many years ago when the "Pashkas Scandel" happened, when we found out that all Pashkas candy are covered with shellac the beetle crap"
we paskened that because shellac is a secretion it is similar to honey, which is also a secretion, and since honey also comes from a sheretz,....... it's kosher"?
"Shut the Hell up" shouted R' Chaim Meir .... "you dont have enough money? .... Don't ruin my great idea"
And so, now we need a hechsher for peppers & tomatoes!
Mi Ke'Amcha Yisroel!