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Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Now Peppers & Tomatoes are Treif!


I think that the business of kashrus is the best business in the entire world.  

Not only can you talk  the water companies into thinking that water needs  an hashgacha but you can now assur peppers & Tomatoes!

Peppers?  What can possibly be wrong with peppers?

Tomatoes? Tomatoes now need a hechsher?

Dummy! Yes you.... you are a BIG dummy!

You see the mashgichim got together and said "we got most vegetables covered, we fooled the people that the tiny insects that you can only see under a 100x microscope are chazir treif .... we convinced them that  the Rambam's  psak  that one doesn't have to worry about bugs that cannot be seen by  the naked eye, ......  doesn't exist!"

"Nu Nu ...B"H ... we can rip off  heimishe families, who have an average of 10 kids, and even though they are dirt poor, we know that they will spend the bucks to buy Bodek and Positive lettuce that have our hashgacha!
And even though there is no way that Bodek and Positive check every single leaf, we will sell them the idea, that they are grown in a green house, even though the vegetables grow in  earth and there isn't any earth that doesn't have insects, even in a green house!"

"Also we were B"H successful in asuring most of the RBSH"O's foods such as Strawberries, blackberries, rasberries, asperagus, broccili etc ...
  Now the naive sheep ..... baaaaaaaaaa baaaaaaaaaaa, will have to buy them frozen with our hashgacha (ha ha) so that we can enrich ourselves."

***(notice that all the pamphlets that tell you what fruits and vegetables are "infested" are financed by the Hashgacha Companies, there are no independent Rabbonim that have ever looked into it)

"But Oilim Goilem follow what we, the crooks tell them, so we are covered!

We also assured, just like BDS boycott, all Israeli fruits and vegetables  ........... 

What can we do now to rip off these naive sheep? Baaaaaaaaaaa baaaaaaaa!"

Rav Chaim Meir Vagshall who calls himself the Shiniver Rav (even though there haven't been any Jews living in Shiniav in 75 years ) came up with ingenious idea, let's find something wrong with Peppers  & Tomatoes.... .....we will assur peppers & Tomatoes!

The Nirbarter asked .... "Vus? Peppers and Tomatoes? ..... "Peppers and Tomatoes huben nish kein shratzim"? (peppers have no bugs)

Said the R' Chaim Meir .... "you think you know everything? You may have made millions from all the money you ripped off the heimishe naive families .... but you are a stupid meshiginar ...I will find a way"

"Just because there are no bugs on peppers, I will assur it because it has wax!"

"Wax? What's in the wax?"

 Asked the Nirbarter while counting the millions.....
"Don't they use carnauba wax (from the carnauba palm tree), or beeswax?"

"Shhhhhhh! You shoiteh Shebeoilim!" shouted the Shiniver!

"We will tell them it's made from  shellac (from the lac beetle)!"

"Vos is dus "shellac"? (what is shellac")
Men darf freggen the OU ..zei visen alles." (we have to ask the OU, they know everything!)

"Nu?" Continued the Shiniaver,  "So I called the OU and they said that the secretion of the lac beetle is sometimes called "lac resin," and companies possibly  use it to coat fruits and vegetables to keep them fresh and pretty."

But said the Nirbarter, 
"even if they coated it with "shellac" it's kosher .... 
we already paskened many years ago when the "Pashkas Scandel"  happened, when we found out that all Pashkas candy are covered with shellac the beetle crap" 
we paskened that because shellac is a secretion it is similar to honey, which is also a secretion,  and since honey also  comes from a sheretz,....... it's kosher"?

"Shut the Hell up" shouted R' Chaim Meir .... "you dont have enough money? .... Don't ruin my great idea"

And so, now we need a hechsher for peppers & tomatoes!

Mi Ke'Amcha Yisroel!

14 comments:

Fresser Developer said...

There are waxes made from insect & other treif sources.

Surely you have better things to criticize.

Like this:

http://nypost.com/2016/02/23/towns-restrict-door-to-door-solicitation-amid-hasidic-influx/

Bear in mind that the extreme south of Lakewood near Toms River is where both Belz is setting up base, as are the Satmar Zalis who are being brought there by Abish Brodt's kid who figured out Satmar will pay more for karka than Litvaks.

Flatbush Fressers Inc said...

That's two things to ruin the appetite. DIN reminding us about insect secretions

http://theunorthodoxjew.blogspot.com/2016/02/investigators-have-released-crystal.html

And now this

Echter yid said...

When I see this story my blood pressure goes up on thousand, I was a mashgiach for bal machshirim,,(1) hashgacha became and it is a multi million industry,, (2) I was being told before I became a mashgiach that if I want to be loved by the bal machshirim the secret is ,? You see something don't say something even its a shielah of nevieless utriefess,? Just close your eyes and shut your mouth, never criticize a bal hamachshir? Because if a bal hamachshir feels that you see to much he will kick your tuches and send you home,,this is hashgacha today, close your eyes and shut up when you see something very not right in kosher kitchens? even when a cook brings in something from the outside and you have no dam idea from where he got it from,? Even you have no idea what he brought from the outside and he uses it in the food he is cooking,, you just close your eyes,? Yes I saw so much crap when I was a mashgiach for big balie machshirim,,

Dusiznies said...

8:11
did you read the entire post?
Even if its covered with beetle secretions, the poiskim were mater it...
if you want I'll post the entire sugyeh ...

Fresser Developer said...

I am surprised that the Nirbater dismissed it so easily. There are shitos that lac resin is a problem and certainly some heimishe hashgochos do not allow it or try to discourage it.

I'll tell you what, take down all the molesters & other scumbags first, and then let's worry about some trivial sticker in the Evergreen produce dept where everything is a rip off anyway and the GM is a hotheaded ferd who has no people skills.

Dusiznies said...

8:46
That Nirbarter conversation never took place,I made it up....
but the Heimishe Hashgachos including the OU were mater Shellac based on the same reason that honey is kosher ....
it's along discussion, but if people really want I dont mind posting Halachic debates ...
they are very interesting ...
but it seems like most poiskim have no problem with Shelloc ...it's used in 99% of all candy products that the precious little neshamois consume!

Echter yid said...

I remember they came out that the water we drink has insects,?then they came out that strawberries has insects,? suddenly after a week,2,it became quite, then they came crying that raisins has insects,? then they came crying that cherries has insects,?, then they came crying that grapes has insects,?,then they came out crying that figs has insects,? Then they came out crying that peaches has insects,? Then they came out crying that onions has insects,? The list goes on and on and on, unfortunately the bal hamachshirim wants to fool us like this the groceries will have a good reason to screw up the prices,?

Fresser Developer said...

The OU is not a heimishe hashgocho.

It's true that most candy has shellac but it doesn't make it right. It's also true that many heimishe hashgochos are now allowing candy to be manufactured in China even though the Chinese are corrupt & always trying to cheat on both kashrus & safety issues.

One of the reasons why some hashgochos are now suddenly more interested in discontinuing shellac is because the secular Vegans won't touch anything made from it. And that gives them a bigger $$$ base.

Frum_schmekel said...

This is just crazy. It wasn't like this when I was growing up in the 80s and early 90s.
My kids love eating peppers

Echter yid said...

Let me tell a major story still happening today's days ,years ago a simcha hall took a person and his job was to peel the vegetables for the vegetable soup, but today every thing is money money why take a person and pay him money to sit on his big tuchess and peel vegetables,? Today everything comes ready from ,China, yes from china, and the vegetables comes already peeled and sliced and diced in shape like( small sugar cubes) but it comes in small see through bags with out no seal of any kind of hashgacha, not only that but when it arrives in America the companies who are getting this deliveries are repackaging this frozen vegetables into their own bags and their own boxes So nobody has any idea from where it came , but shockingly the bal hamachshir cried to me and was screaming at me that I cried to the wedding halls and to simcha halls not to order this vegetables I asked him why,?, so he answered me that he went down to China (traveled to China) to see the process of the slicing and dicing the vegetables he was shocked to see that a minute before that they cut with that same machine ,chazir fliesh, (chazir meat triefess) yes this is what one of the biggest bal hamachshir in Boro park Brooklyn told me that,,not only that he told me that I cried to the wedding halls not to use this products but they don't listen to me

Mr. Ventana said...

The Satmar hashguche in Brazil of Rav Iliovits, you have to give him a lot of credit, because he never allowed anything from lac bugs and he never allowed candies to be made in China even before it was the style from trends in the outside velt. He took a principled stand and was not swayed by making more gelt.

You see DIN, not everyone in Satmar is a shyster & fresser.

Or at least hub Ich gehert he is Satmar.

william gran said...

Wait till pesach it'll better chaos

Monsey said...

http://theunorthodoxjew.blogspot.com/2016/02/the-ultra-orthodox-jewish-ritual-of.html?showComment=1456285998837#c6261757389473252497

Anonymous said...

Very funny.

Mr. Ventana is an inside joke started by UOJ about Leib Tropper.

He coined the phrase after the incident that police responded to at the penthouse of the Jerusalem Sheraton Plaza. Ventana is "window" in the Brazillian dialect of Portugese. The Brazillian billionaire Guma Aguiar (who has since been declared dead by the courts after it was presumed he drowned at sea but conspiracy theorists believe he is alive in hiding) had given $10 million to Bnei Brak & Yerushalmi yeshivos. Tropper offered to be the gizbar to distribute but absconded with the money around the same time he was emptying Kol Yaakov's bank accounts so that Tress & the other shutfim could not benefit. Guma emerges from his suite & all of a sudden the door of the only other penthouse suite opens with Tropper waltzing out. Guma started screaming at the grubba ganiv where is the mammon hekdesh that you stole? Tropper called the police to falsely report that Guma tried to throw him out the window. Hotel staff who witnessed the incident told police that Tropper is lying.