It is no secret that the shidduchim world within the Hasidic community has been experiencing a serious crisis in recent years. Many older bachelors remain unmarried for long periods, while their peers have already built families, raising children and guiding them in a life of Torah and Mitzvos.
The situation in which one young man remains single from an entire class is heartbreaking. Beyond the personal pain of the unmarried individual, his friends also face a difficult reality. On the one hand, they want to maintain their relationship with him; on the other, it’s hard to ignore the feelings of jealousy that may arise when meeting or speaking with someone who has not yet had the chance to establish a home.
While there is no single explanation for why some individuals do not become engaged even after dozens or hundreds of dates, recent accounts suggest an interesting phenomenon that may be contributing significantly to the crisis.
From conversations with older singles and parents, a concerning picture emerges, as reported on the Emess (Kol Chai) site. In some Hasidic circles, it has become common to send the handwriting of a prospective couple to a graphologist before finalizing a match, in order to analyze personality traits and determine compatibility.
This practice is especially widespread in one of the larger chasidic groups in Israel. In many cases, families consult well-known graphologists, sometimes considered among the best in the country, to decide whether to proceed with a proposed match.
“What’s holding the sector back in recent years is this issue of graphology. Ninety percent [of matches] are rejected,” says “A,” who has experienced the crisis firsthand and asked to remain anonymous. “I understand that in Gur Hasidic dynasty they’ve only recently begun to scale this back.”
He adds: “This has led to a large number of unmarried young men within the community. People have become almost addicted to it. It’s a miracle it hasn’t spread to the Lithuanian or Sephardi sectors. I personally had several good matches this past year that could have progressed, but the graphologist said they weren’t suitable.”
Another individual, “T,” shared a similar experience: “I once dated a girl who wouldn’t move forward in any match without approval from a certain graphologist. Eventually she got fed up and switched to someone else, because the first one rejected all her matches.”
He added: “At one point I met that graphologist and told him: ‘Stop destroying homes that could be built in Israel. Even if it’s your livelihood, there are other ways to make a living without harming people like this.’”
“B,” a parent of two older sons navigating the matchmaking system, offered further insight: “A very senior graphologist told me that those who say whether to go ahead with a match or not are charlatans motivated by money. A graphologist can analyze personality, but should never determine compatibility.”
He continued: “He even told me that if he had analyzed his own handwriting and that of his wife, he would have concluded they were completely incompatible, yet thank G-d they’ve been happily married for 40 years.”
These testimonies come from people directly affected by the matchmaking crisis, who have chosen to speak out in hopes of raising awareness and perhaps contributing to at least a partial solution.
9 comments:
"A graphologist can analyze personality" ? No he can't.
Does he or she have any diploma to legally shmeer this BS "graphology" ?? Graphology has no legal, psychological, medical or scientific proven support. It's all about random appreciations and conclusions that can be interpreted in hundreds of differents ways.
How dare you say that Hasidim have a serious shidduch crisis? We have been trying to tell the Litvish for years that only they have such a thing, not Chasidim, and that they should follow Hasidic practices to fix things. And now you spoil all the propaganda by revealing the serious Hasidic crisis.
The real underlying issue is the expectation of perfectation. The boys are raised to expect a perfect wife - thin, beautiful, always nicely dressed and ready with a hot meal at the end of a long day in kollel.
The girls are expecting the next gadol hador who's also kind and attentive.
The idea of compromise is alien to them so they stay single.
Graphology is bunk. Even a polygraph is considered more reliable, though it also cannot be used in court. I suggest they go with a polygraph.
Pure low-level fantasy. Gurnisht IronSponge so far from reality… as usual.
Singling out the orthodoxs (as if they were cloned and identical one another) just like millions of people around the world try to single out the Jews.
Zako:
Graphology does have a scientific basis and does have good practical uses.
I once showed a graphologist a handwriting sample. The graphologist, who did not know the provenance of the specimen, pronounced that it was written by an older man who had problems with his left foot.
The writing was by my grandfather, whose left leg had been amputated below the knee years earlier.
At that same session with the graphologist (it was on campus during my undergrad days), someone showed him a handwriting sample of a very idiosyncratic professor whose class I had taken the previous semester. The graphologist inferred some correct information about the professor's proclivities and personality.
The ear-minded student gets the most out of a class from the professor's lectures, the eye-minded student from reading the textbook, and the kinesthetic-minded one from doing the lab experiments. Everyone has components of all three, but musicians obviously are primarily ear-minded, and it shows in their writing (including misspelled words). Beethoven's writing had attributes of ear-mindedness even after he went deaf because his brain remained most receptive to audio stimuli.
My daughter had a שידוך fall away because of a graphologist......
To Pr Riesky :
Ok that sounds great to predict the past...
How does it entitle these grapho guys to predict the future ?
How does it entitle these grapho guys to destroy dozens of shiduchim ?
It's much better than a shadchan that matches you up by shoe sizes and gematrios of your names.
Post a Comment