Rabbi Bender Suggests That Parents Should Not Meet In Person With Tuition Committee Due to Embarrassment

 

 Rabbi Yaakov Bender, Rosh Yeshiva of Darchei Torah in Far Rockaway, has written part 2 of a column addressing the extremely challenging tuition crisis. Writing in the Monsey Mevaser, Rabbi Bender responded to a parent who described a highly unpleasant experience, begging for a tuition break.

The parent wrote the following:

“We have the unfortunate pleasure of having to expose our private financial
situation and we also get to undergo a humiliating and degrading process and beg for scholarships with five different administrations and tuition committees. None of them seem to care about how or what we arrange with the others, each of them wants only for themselves.

“For instance, when I tell them that the total dollars I can pay for all of my tuitions is x and I would like to divide that equally per child, I am told “no way” and that they can only worry about their bottom line and I will have to deal with the other schools however I’d like to. (Does my obligation of Talmud Torah for my boys means yeshivos deserve more than Bais Yaakovs?)

At one point the parent also wrote:

“One board member of a school (who serves on the board of another school as well) actually told us that choosing their school is like buying a Lexus and if you want the best, you will have to

“One school set up appointments for all those who wanted scholarships to come the same night, causing the parents to be embarrassed sitting together in a waiting room. Sadly, there are more stories like these.

“What should the schools do? Is there an answer? Who can parents go to if they feel hurt by how the school treats them? Please help. Please offer ideas and suggestions on what can be done on a community level and what can or should be done on a personal level.”

Again, Rabbi Bender responded with great empathy, and emphasized that in his yeshiva and his community, parents are treated with respect, dignity, and a great deal of compassion.

The Rosh Yeshiva’s response read, in part:

There is no excuse for some of the horror stories mentioned. In our neighborhood, the schools compete for students and dollars just like everywhere else, but the directors of all the schools meet every once in a while. There are not usually major policy issues to be ironed out. That’s not the point-though the give and take is often enlightening. The point is that the directors are on a first name, cordial basis with each other; and it often happens that one will pick up the phone and call his counterpart to work out jointly a tuition package for the needy family.

The Rosh Yeshiva also wrote:

“Allowing applicants to meet each other should be anathema to any school administration with a modicum of decency. Best would be not having to meet at all. There is bound to be embarrassment in the presence of the committee members, irrespective of other applicants. We have found it more productive at first with specific questions posed over the phone. A meeting is a last resort…”