Deb Tambor's final moments

Motie (Abe) Weiss and Deborah (Deb) Tambor, a young couple in love living in Bridgeton, N.J,, had a beautiful tradition: Each morning at 9 a.m., Tambor would make a cup of coffee and bring it to his workplace, an auto-repair shop.

Last week Friday, Tambor, 33, did not show up. At first, Weiss thought she had decided to sleep in a little later than usual. But when she didn’t answer her phone all morning, he grew concerned and rushed home. He ran frantically from room to room and found her lying sprawled on the floor of their bedroom, next to two empty bottles of pills and a half-empty bottle of alcohol, Weiss said in an interview with the Forverts. He immediately dialed 911, but when the ambulance arrived, it was too late.

Sgt. Adam Grossman of the New Jersey State Police said there was no cause of death determined yet for Tambor and an investigation was ongoing. He said Tambor’s body found at 2:36 p.m. on Sept. 27 in her home on Woodruff Road in Upper Deerfield Township.

COURTESY OF ABE WEISS

Deb Tambor and Abe (Motie) Weiss

The death of Deb Tambor sparked an outpouring of sympathy on Facebook and social media from Jews who, like Weiss and Tambor, were raised in various Hasidic communities but are now no longer religious.

A divorced mother of two, Tambor grew up in the Hasidic community of New Square, N.Y. She suffered terribly after losing custody of her three children. Her family claimed that her depression was the reason she lost custody of the children, but close friends blamed her lack of religious observance.

Her own father testified against her in the custody battle, some of her close friends said. Both her father and her ex-husband’s new wife besmirched Tambor to the point where her own children did not want to see her anymore.

“She really hated her father,” Weiss said.

On the evening of Sept. 29, about 40 of Tambor’s friends gathered outside the funeral home in New Square, waiting to hear where and when the funeral would take place.

They stood for hours in the cold, but no one from the funeral home or the community informed them that the family had quietly arranged to have her funeral the next day in West Babylon, on Long Island. When Weiss learned of this detail Monday morning, it was already too late to get there in time for the funeral —and that angered him terribly.

“The last thing Deb would have wanted is for her father to bury her, “ Weiss said. But he praised Tambor’s brothers, who were sympathetic to him after their sister’s death.

“They actually came to pick me up from Monsey [N.Y.] and take me to New Square to the van where her coffin was held. They even thanked me for making her happy,” he said.

Many others who knew Tambor well also commented on how happy she seemed over the past few months, which is why her suicide was so shocking to everyone.
“Just two weeks ago she told me that she wanted to marry me and have more children,” Weiss said in a trembling voice.

She was happiest when helping other individuals who left or who were looking to leave their Hasidic communities, Weiss said. And indeed, since her death, many of her friends, both in real life and on social media, expressed similar sentiments of how she helped them in their time of need.

Sruli, a 22-year-old former Hasid from New Square who did not give his last name, said Tambor befriended him after they met at the Rockland branch of Footsteps, an organization of people who have left ultra-Orthodox communities.

“She was the first one to take me to the theater to see my first film and to WalMart to buy non-Hasidic clothing,” said Sruli said. “When I had questions, she was there to answer, and not once did she make me feel like she was doing me a favor.”

“She treated me like a mother would her son,” he said.

With reporting by Anne Cohen

Read more: http://forward.com/articles/184942/how-deb-tambors-life-ended-and-started-firestorm/?p=all#ixzz2glBC7rjY

Read more: http://forward.com/articles/184942/how-deb-tambors-life-ended-and-started-firestorm/?p=all#ixzz2glB2U8uJ

Deb Tambor's Private Funeral,buried without any friends

Deb Tambor as a Chassidic wife on the left, and when she left

The boyfriend and 40 additional former ultra-Orthodox friends of an ex-Hasidic woman, who is believed to have committed suicide after being denied access to her children by the Skver Hasidic community, claim they were harassed and given repeated erroneous reports regarding her funeral arrangements after they showed up in New Square to pay their final respects. 

FORWARD.com  reports that Deb Tambor is believed to have committed suicide on September 27 at the home of her boyfriend Abe Weiss in Bridgeton, NJ as a result of her depression that began after she left New Square’s Skver Hasidic community. 

Tambor left the sect four years ago after divorcing her husband and being disavowed by her family for claiming she was sexually molested as a child by a member of the tight knit community. Recognizing her depression, Tambor sought psychiatric help, after which her family actively conspired with community members to prevent her from having contact with her young children. 

Tambor’s boyfriend, Abe Weiss, said, “Her depression started when she decided to leave the community and was threatened with losing her kids. Her biggest issue was that no one cared for her, everyone blew off all her issues.”

 Weiss and the 40 other ex-Hasidic members arrived in New Square around 4 p.m. Sunday for Tambor’s scheduled funeral at the New Square funeral home located in a cul-de-sac at the bottom of Roosevelt Avenue. Weiss and friends reported that within minutes of their arrival a Skver Hasid would slowly drive past them every few minutes. Weiss said that once they arrived, contacts inside the Skver community began texting them conflicting stories about when Tambor’s funeral would begin.

 First it was an hour, then “before dark”, after night fell, then at “midnight.” At around 9 p.m. an uncle of Tambor’s came and told the group he would “have them all handcuffed,” shortly after which police arrived, and after accessing the situation, told Weiss and friends they were welcome to stay and had a right to be there. 

Finally, at 4 a.m., Weiss and friends formed a circle in front of the funeral home and lit candles and had a moment of silence before dispersing. 

Within minutes of leaving Weiss was contacted by one of Tambor’s brothers via text who offered to take him to view Tambor’s body. Weiss was transported by two brothers to remote street outside New Square’s town line where a minivan containing Tambor’s coffin sat parked. Weiss was not allowed to lift the coffin’s lid or view Tambor’s face.

 At 10 a.m the following morning the same brother texted Weiss, telling him that his sister’s funeral was taking place at that very moment in a West Babylon, Long Island cemetery. Weiss said, “It was nice what they did. It would have been nicer if they’d let me come the funeral.” 

New Square community members say Tambor’s family chose to have her buried elsewhere due to the shame she had brought on her family and the community. “Who wants to be buried next to this lady? said Menashe Lustig, a New Square resident. “It’s very difficult to know where to put her. I hear they called up the rabbinic in Israel and they told them the decision that she be burred elsewhere. The family is ashamed. They’re very ashamed.”

Deb Tambor rejected by New Square in life, accepts her in death

OTD Deb Tambor a young lady that left the New Square Community, took her life this Shabbos and will haver her funeral in New Square tonight.
OTD bloggers are rallying around her, blaming her family for her death at 33. Apparently, Deb was involved in a bitter child custody battle with her chassidic ex husband. Bloggers say that her entire family and support network turned on her because she was no longer frum. Her children were poisoned against her and her own father testified against her at a child custody hearing.

Just recently, Yoeli Spielman, a young man who was shunned by his chassidic community, also reportedly committed suicide right after Yom Kippur.