The Rosh Yeshivah from Hell

 

In this week's Ami Magazine issued on August 11, a broken mother tells a horror story of how a popular Rosh Yeshivah lied and manipulated her, her husband and her 15 year old son.

In Chassidishe Yeshivos this would never have happened, since the bochrum who graduate elementary school continue their learning in the same Yeshiva for High School.  If a Chassidishe parent feels that the yeshiva is not a good fit for his child he will try to find him another unaffiliated place, but he can rest assured that his child has a place in the yeshiva he attended, if he wishes to continue.

If you are not Chassidish, but you are more or less Yeshivash, you are up the creek without a paddle.

You have to start searching for a Mesivta or a yeshiva gedoilah that would take your child in, and it's a bloody nightmare, especially if you have no money and no connections.

The mother in our story, had a 15 year-old son who had never been in trouble, was kind, well liked, was an above average student and she did have a connection, a father-in-law that was a childhood friend of the Rosh Yeshivah, and was paying full tuition, and yet went thru "shiva medeire gehennom" because of a Rosh Yeshivah  that constantly misled her and out right lied to her family.

The un-named Rosh Yeshivah was of course very frum and followed the "Internet rules' of the Gedoilim, and so he had no e-mail, no texting, no Whatsapp; he basically couldn't be reached. The only way to reach him was by phone which he seldom picked up. The Rosh Yeshivah according to this mother was the sole arbitrator of who was admitted to his yeshivah as his school didn't have a board,  and if it did,  they had zero influence on him..he was the judge, jury and in this case the executioner, all wrapped into one person.

Talking about her son she writes:

"Yanky had always been a sweet, well-mannered boy, refined and obliging. He woke up on time, went to daven, and learned with geshmak. He may not have been the iluy of his class, but he performed well above average. My husband, kept hearing fantastic reports whenever he bumped into the rebbe, and PTA was a nachas outing."

Then she adds something which is very crucial to the story and important for any reader to know that is on the way to navigate this maze with their children...

"We were relatively young parents and somewhat naive as to how the yeshiva placement system worked. I assumed that when Yanky graduated from yeshiva, his transition to yeshiva gedolah would be equally smooth. After all, every yeshiva in the tri-state area would be thrilled to accept a boy like Yanky., who came from a normal, ehrlich family, had done well in cheder, and was beloved by his friends. Though we weren't wealthy, or well connected. Chaim, had a decent job and we were able to pay full tuition. I never had to grovel for any school or yeshiva to accept my children. My siblings and neighbors complained incessantly about how hard it was to get accepted to a decent yeshiva. While I had heard horror stories of boys sitting at home for months, I had simply assumed it was the parent's fault for not being proactive enough"

She slowly introduces the readers of her journey to nowhere 

"Our quest for a yeshiva gedola began in late spring as Yanky was completing his final year in the yeshiva. Most of Yanky's friends had applied to a specific yeshiva, a solid yeshiva with an excellent reputation. This yeshiva was located an hour and a half from our community, but it had a dormitory and the boys came home every shabbos.

This yeshiva was known to be selective, but not terribly so. About 60% of the bochrum who applied were accepted. I wasn't worried, as my father-in-law had gone to cheder with the Rosh Yeshiva and he promised my husband he'd make a call on our behalf. When we heard that three boys in Yanky's class had been accepted, we figured it was a done deal for Yanky as well."

Now put your seat belts on, because this story now takes a turn, going down a whirlpool of the worst scum you ever heard or experienced.

Her husband calls this RY daily for over a week...all calls go to voicemail and  you cannot leave a message as the mailbox is full. The father reaches out to his father who is a childhood friend of the RY.

When his father calls his RY friend, the RY reassures him:

" Im sure your einikel is a great boy. It will be an honor to have him in our yeshiva. It's a little busy now..call me around Tisha Be'av...."

The family was now convinced that their Yanky would be accepted after this promising call and so they waited the two months to Tisha Be'ov in "blissful oblivion" not contacting any other yeshivois, and made summer plans to rent a bungalow. 

Well, Tisha Be'ov came and went without any contact from the RY, but not for a lack of trying, at one point they did reach him and the  RY told the father that he would farher Yanky in two weeks, but when the father tried scheduling an exact time, the allusive RY did not pick up the phone. 

When Elul came around the family freaked out, but those close to the RY would reassure the family that the RY is very busy with the new zman as a rebbe quit and had to be replaced suddenly. But the RY never came to the phone. 

Two days before Rosh Hashana, the mother tried a different tactic and called the RY on an unfamiliar number and finally "struck gold." The mother reminded him that he promised to farher her son

The RY answered: "of course, of course, but you must understand that it's two days to Rosh Hashana, I can't test any new bochrim now"

"But we've been waiting for an appointment for a few months,. I pleaded."All I ask is that you give our son a chance."

"Okay Tell your son to come to the yeshiva tomorrow morning, I'll try to fit him in."

and so Yanky woke up early the next morning, davened, and took a bus for the 90 minute ride to the yeshiva....

and you guessed it ... after waiting around a whole day and feeling like a sore thumb, a frustrated Yanky took the bus home, without the RY even saying "boo" to him.

On Tzom Gedalyeh, the father finally reached the RY who apologized profusely for keeping Yanky waiting all day, and said "I will give your son a farher on Chol Hamoed, just have a little patience and you will hear good news soon."

"Yanky began smiling again, his tensions evaporating."

On Chol Hamoed the parents tried calling the RY to set up the promised farher... the RY was unreachable. Finally on Hoshana Rabba the RY answered the phone explaining that he had a family emergency and that he will make time for Yanky on the day before yeshiva starts.

The husband at this point becomes skeptical and out right asks the big tzaddik

"What happens if the RY decides not to accept him?"

The tzaddik chuckles 

"Don't worry so much, we are very full this zman, but I've heard wonderful things about your son. Your father speaks very highly about him as well. This farher is just a formality. Tell Yanky to bring his linen and clothing with him when he comes. It would be a shame for him to go back and forth two days in a row."

The mother, naively, is euphoric and cries out to Yanky ....

"It's official" Your'e in" giving him a hug!

The day B"H came, and the father and his son Yanky with his linen drove to the yeshiva.... arrived at the appointed time 10:30 AM ...they waited and waited but the R"Y, kedarkoi ba'koidish could not be reached.

After hearing this, the mother left her babies with neighbors and took a bus to join her husband and Yanky to try to go to the RY's home and beg and plead. There is nothing that a mother wouldn't do for her child.  In the meantime while the father was talking to his wife on the phone outside the yeshiva the RY miraculously materialized and without apologizing, proceeded to meet with Yanky for a token five minutes, asked him some vague question about some obscure gemarrah and paid no attention to Yanky's response and just said ...."Tell you father to call me." and disappeared like a mirage in a desert.  And of course when the father tried him the phone rang and rang..

At 3:30 PM, the mother arrived and finally built up enough courage to walk over to the R"Y's home, the R"Y's sweet wife opened the door and the mother broke down crying and in between sobs explained to the sweet rebbetzin  that her son was promised time and again that he would be accepted and even told to bring his linen.... the wife went to get her tzaddik, and then told the mother that the "R"Y is very busy now he will meet with her husband only,  at 8:00 PM.... and so they had to hang around town for 4 and half hours with their kids screaming and crying back home ....and at 8:00PM ...(to make a very long story short) the R"Y told the father that he should try the next "Zman" 

What I just described is just a touch of what really happened ...the article would give you nightmares. 

Yanky was devastated, as you can imagine, but his parents somehow managed to find a suitable yeshiva where he learned for three and half years, blossoming into an exceptional young man. With tremendous self-control and stellar middos, he overcame the hurt and rejection, slowly beginning to thrive again.

So guys I'll let you into a secret.... this story so far B"H ended up well...

But this Rosh Yeshiva will never get out of hell; if he didn't want the kid for any reason he should have been straight up with the parents, but instead this coward played a cat and mouse game with a precious yiddishe neshama, and devastated a mother of Jewish children...

I know of a case where a boy wanted so much to learn and had such a promising future but was a bit mischievous and was told by his R"Y that he should "go to public school" because he had missed a seder when he had stomach cramps. 

The boy then acted up and after just two weeks they threw him out. The father of the boy knew that I had a "shichus" with this R"Y asked me to make a call to the R"Y to see if there was more to the story and  could get him back as the boy was getting very depressed.

Now guys .... listen to his response. 

This is a R"Y who is known for his sefarim, is famous for his "chinuch" advice, and is especially lauded for his "chesed" .

This R"Y leads a major Torah institution, sits on all the Frum boards that deal with the Jewish Community

after some pleasantries and catching up I got to the task at hand and asked about the boy, and  after founding out that the boy didn't do anything to warrant him being thrown out, I gently asked if he would reconsider and mentioned that we are dealing with a "yiddishe neshama"  his tone suddenly changed, and said :

"I am not an achrai (responsible) for Klall Yisrael" and hung up the phone.