From a letter to YWN!
I would like to raise awareness about an important issue that warrants more attention from us. The issue is the negative reviews that people leave on locally owned businesses within our very own community and the havoc they cause. Once that negative impression is etched in a consumers mind, it is extremely difficult to remove it, and as we all know, when checking out a business, many of us head straight for the reviews to see what ppl are saying.
Being that it’s impossible to please everyone all the time, businessowners will inevitably have disgruntled customers. The problem is, once they write these disgruntled customers write thier review, it’s nearly impossible for the business to refute it, as it’s the customers word versus the store and people viewing the review will generally believe the customer.
To make matters worse, upset customers often use extremely sharp language and dramatically describe their gripe, (for example: “This is the worst tasting pizza ever, rudest staff I have ever come across, disgusting attitude by manager, worst experience in my life”) while the owner must remain professional and polite when responding (“We are so sorry you felt this way; please reach out to us so we can assist you further”), and people generally will assume that the customer is outlining a universal truth about the establishment.
This is an issue that is seriously taking money out of our own community’s pockets. Don’t believe me? Speak to your local business owners about the stress, anxiety, and tension those terrible reviews cause them.
Now, to address a valid point you might be thinking of: Sometimes a store’s service really is terrible and the food truly subpar, and it’s actually a chessed to leave a review so that no one should have to have the same bad experience as you did. That’s fair, and I get it. We all have occasionally experienced a businesses where expectations were not met and there is lots of room for improvement. However, I would ask you to consider this: Imagine the owner of this establishment was your good friend, or your neighbor, and you personally watched over the years as he worked long hours to try to build himself up and make his store successful. One night you go out to eat, and the waitress, who is having a rough day, really messes up your order or snaps at you. Would you be so quick to pull out your phone and write a critical review about how this business is terribly unprofessional and how the waitress has got a real attitude, or would you be more forgiving because you understand that a bad review can really hurt your friend/neighbor and really make his business suffer?
We have to keep in mind that these establishments are owned and run by our acquaintances and that each review is hurting a friend or neighbor of ours.
One must keep in mind that the Chofetz Chaim has a whole set of conditions that must be met in order for one to be allowed to speak critically abt another – even l’toeles! If any are not met, it is real lashon horah. If one believes he is entitled to write a review, it behooves him to show it to a competent Rabbi first and make sure it is written properly. As the Chofetz Chaim himself says, “at the time one speaks (l’toeles) he is standing in grave danger of the issur of speaking lashon horah if he doesn’t protect himself (by keeping all the necessary conditions). And on this u can say death and life are in the hands of the tongue. And if one doesn’t think to himself before he begins to speak a matter like this, which way to bring out the incident, for sure he will transgress, for at the time of the incident a person’s anger is strengthened upon himself, and it is impossible to be careful in this. Therefore, before one begins to speak one must contemplate how to bring out the incident in a way not to make the wrongdoing greater than it is, and to have in mind to do it for a constructive purpose…..’’ (Chofetz Chaim Hilchos Lashon Horah Klal Yud Se’if Tes Vav).
M.K.
I've just returned from Israel where I stayed in a Charedi hotel. I paid the astronomical $350 a night, but the service was so atrocious that I had to escape.
ReplyDeleteI now have a dilemma, to review or not to review. On the one hand, the restrictions imposed by the Chofetz Chaim are so onerous, so as to render an honest review a virtual impossibility. For example, the requirement that one must 100% accurate in reporting the facts would mean that absolutely no subjective critical opinion be expressed. For example, I cannot state that for 3 days, even after I complained numerous times that there was no telephone in the room in order to reach the front desk. I cannot make that statement because in actuality after 2 days, 18 hours and 56 minutes after my initial complaint, a telephone was brought up to the room. Stating that it took 3 days, would be an exaggeration that, according to the Chofetz Chaim, would be prohibited because it would be less than 100% accurate.
I cannot report that the hotel staff was unhelpful and at times downright rude, because that would be my subjective opinion; something that I cannot quantify. Perhaps this is not indicative of inferior service on the part of the hotel, but merely a function of emblemic Israeli hospitality. Perhaps my expectations as an American need to be adjusted. Likewise, the lack of quality and quantity of food, the unacceptable quality of toilet paper and tissues provided, the youth, inexperience, and utter cluelessness of the front desk, etc. You get the idea.
On the other hand, if I fail to report critically, I would most assuredly subject the future hotel guests to the same uncomfortable treatment that I experienced. Why would the hotel owner bother with improving service, if no one would be allowed to complain?
At the moment, when asked about my experience, I am reduced to stating that I am restricted about what I may say, but that anyone considering a stay at that hotel should first do some due diligence, but that I cannot comment further.
How pathetic. There must be a better way.
To Eli
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you are back in the USA writing from there, because if you wrote that in Israel, the owner could sue you even if what you wrote is 100% true, and even if you can actually prove it. There is a "Loshon Hara" law here in Israel that is far more restrictive than the Chafetz Chayim's sefer Shemiras Ha'Loshon. I already had to take down at least 250 posts after being told by a lawyer that I could be sued. It's crazy and I feel for you!
Perhaps phrase is as an opinion
ReplyDelete"I did not enjoy the food and felt it was poorly prepared"
"I did not enjoy the service and felt inconvenienced repeatedly"
There, you're not accusing anyone, just relaying you feelings.
Eli:
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that. People must be warned, so they should not be taken advantage of as you were. We should follow halacha, of course, however, the halacha is not always like R. Yisrael Meir of Radin. It is known that R. Yisrael Salanter zt"l didn't give him a haskama because he differed with him re a certain halacha. Just like the halacha is not always like the Mishna Berurah (sometimes other reliable poskim disagree with it), similarly the halacha may not always be like him with regard to halachos of speech. A competent posek may be able to elaborate on that.
Additionally, many people don't necessarily fully understand what the Chofetz Chaim said, so they are "machmir" not to say anything bad. However, sometimes one is obligated to do so, so their "chumra' in keeping quiet, is actually a kulah, or even worse, an issur, R"L.