STOP THE SHIDDUCH PICTURES

The following from R' Yisrael Reisman to the Flatbush Jewish Journal Letters to the Editor

Dear Shadchanim,

I was excited to see the "nix the pics" ad in the FJJ, last week. THANK YOU for standing up for the honor of Bnos Yisroel. There is not one Mechanech, Rebbe or Rosh Yeshiva that agrees to the practice of requesting pictures of Bnos Yisroel before a date. It is detrimental to the young men, who are entering a relationship with warped priorities. In addition, there is a great Kitrug upon those who are dealing in such a manner, due to the lack of modesty, and the degradation of the honor of Bnos Yisroel.

This practice is wrong, and it is ineffective. I have been dealing with issues of Shalom Bayis for over thirty years. I have had the privilege of having shimush in these topics from my great Rebbi, Rav Avraham Pam zt"l. We have not seen marriages destroyed because there was a lack of external beauty. On the other hand, we have heard from many husbands, that the physical beauty of their wives, blinded their eyes and prevented them from making more sensible considerations in their choice of a marriage partner. Many of these marriages were not happy ones, and did not last. An overemphasis on externals blinds the eyes of the wise.

My advice is that you strengthen yourselves and have the courage to maintain the policy of dealing exclusively in Shidduchim without introductory photos, in the spirit of “Derech Yisroel Saba.”

A Chassid once quipped “It shall not be done in our community to place the ‘tzirah’ (photo) before the ‘bechirah’ (date).”

With a prayer for our success in correcting this breach of conduct,

Rabbi Yisroel Reisman

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