First, thank you for writing such an in-depth article on this topic.
I was born and raised in the Hassidic community and have totally left that world. I am, what you would consider, “Off the Derech”, or to some a “goyita”.
When I decided to leave about 6 years ago, it wasn’t that common (at least for a girl), to leave the community. Today, the amount of women who run away from the Hassidic cult is reaching numbers no-one ever dreamed of, and although those within the cult call us a “nebech”, the fact is the only nebech’s are those that are mentally and physically enslaved by this rotten, mind and life destroying cult.
Many of my friends today where raised in modern homes, the kinda jews my former community would make fun of, in Yiddish they would be described as “zei zennin mamesh goyim” (they are literally gentiles) or “zee geit ungetien vee ah shicksa” (she dresses like a non jewish female), mind you we where commenting on women, that by all standards where dressed more modest than 99.9% of the planet.
But what I found is that girls from modern homes are not all that rebellious, they keep shabbos, they keep kosher (no, they do not panic over how long the rabbis beard was, who gave the hechsher), they date jewish men only. But, I and the others who came from the extreme background, we keep nothing.
The Hassidic cult becomes more and more extreme as time goes by, more rules, more madness and more hypocritical.
It’s a sign how far jews have fallen when you think that you can live in the United States and have something like a vaad, NO vaad is good, NONE, only someone who has been hypnotized by living to long is this Boro Park/Williamsburg world can even suggest, taht a vaad is something that is a good thing.
The problem is you are slow learners, the nasty truth will start showing up more and more, people will associate a hassidc jew with pedophilia, patronizing prostitutes, and grand larceny. You will realize that the more you dictate to others what to do, the more it will backfire.
It is already backfiring, you are losing many many kids, when we leave we go all the way, and guess what, when I walk in a mall and I see a group of chassidishe girls, and I start talking Yiddish their eyes light up, they feel like the “mashiach” arrived, if their mom or some older hassidic dominatrix isn’t around them, they start talking to me, and never do they ask me “why I left” all they say is “I wish I can do the same thing”, many take my number, many end up calling and many end of leaving.
And for those of you who think we are a nebech, and “oh my god, she must have such an emty life” get a grip on reality please. In short it’s called freedom, I celebrate and do things as I wish, I went to school, a normal school, and started my own business.
While, the rest of America made sure to give women equal rights, the hassidic community turns a woman into a slave, a dirty thing, something that is used to make kids and chulent.
The boys who left and went off the derech, almost all that I know of do very well, they are smart, motivated and most importantly happy, only someone in the hassidic cult thinks, that the rest of the world is sad.
A while ago Saturday night (motzai shabbos), myself and several friends where shopping at a mall, two girls walk by, obviously Hassidic girls, and I proceed to tell them “A gitta voch”, they smile and proceed to come over and talk to me.
They were both 21 years old (alte meidlach/old girls by hassidic standards), and I could relate to their pain, the real pain, they do not want to get married yet but the family is pressuring, their parents had no clue they were in the mall, they needed to lie, they wanted to go out to the city, so they asked me if I can go with them, I said yes, the problem is they must be home at a certain time or their mom will call the shomrim, the hatzallah, a rabbi and a kabbalist in Israel.
They said that in a week or so they have a wedding to go to of a classmate; it’s a real chasidishe wedding, so it ends like 3am or later, that night is a great night for them to go to the city.
They call me using a prepaid cell phone (something commonly used by criminals), and I pick them up from the wedding hall about 11o’clock.
They get into the car and they ask if I can make a stop at some office building, I say, hey what’s going on? Well, one of the girls has access to the office and she keeps some pants and shorter skirts there, clothing not allowed in her house. They go in, change, and they emerge as normal looking girls, and not girls from the 1950’s. We had a great time at this beautiful lounge in NYC, they spoke to men while shaking in their boots, worrying if lighting will strike them, but nothing struck them, just reality!
I ended up taking them back to this office, they changed back into the cultish clothing, and I dropped them off to their homes. One already left her family B’H (yes, I just said that), she’s a great girl, she will remain Jewish as she respects and loves, shabbos, and will without a doubt marry a Jew, but she wants nothing to do with this radical Hassidic movement, a movement that started 300 or so years ago, but really radicalized itself the past 100 years. Wait, so Jews until then where not really Jews as god intended them to be?
So what is the point of this whole megilah I just wrote?
Well, it’s designed to serve a few proposes.
a) To educate those who do not understand the mindset, of those who leave the cult, and to reassure you that we are far from nebachs and if anyone is a nebach it’s those within the cult.
b) To tell those considering leaving, that there is real hope out there, there is a life to be had after the pain and differing you endured, some mental pain only, while some physical pain, as some parents still think this is the 1800’s and forgot you will get thrown in jail for hitting a person, you child or someone else’s, (will anyone ever expose the physical abuse still going on in yeshiva’s or is that ok because it’s a rabbi that’s administering the spanking?).
c) To give the yentas something to do, you can now get on your phones, make a three way call so you can have 2 other yentas on the line, then try to review all weddings of the past few months, and narrow down what girls left early, maybe it’s Ruchie, no maybe it’s Sheindy nah it can’t be, no It must be Malkie no but she always reads the Tzena Rena and wears extra thick shtrimp etc.
d) To give the vaad more work, now that they read this story, they can, ban women from going to malls, ban women from having keys to a office, and force people to end weddings early or force girls to bring their mom to all weddings, all the while wondering “I wish she would of posted the name of this lounge she went too, I’d love to hook up with some nice girls”.
Have a Happy Chanukah everyone, the main thing is, be happy, living in misery so someone else is happy, is borderline psychotic.
There are many options for those who feel they need a broader yiddishkeit and it is available to them. We have hundreds, yes hundreds of kids with degrees in various fields, making a nice living.We are not a closed minded community, like you wish to state and make a Chillul Hashem by besmirching us to the world out there.
Yes, we have all kinds of crazies out there…but what society doesn’t? I don’t know what type of home you came from, and I know they exist…of course they do…but they are not the MAJORITY, THEY ARE THE MINORITY…
YES….I’M sure there are girls and boys who are not happy living within “this” community…I don’t doubt it….
It’s a pity they don’t actually discuss it with their parents in a nice way and allow for some “changes …you be surprised today how many understand that not everyone can adhere to the very strict rules and would give leeway instead of losing their child to the outside world and as seen by you ….to Yiddishkeit.
We love all our children. I am a grandmother with grandchildren…my friends are all of the same understanding as I am..
I wish you could have made a decision to go for all those things you wanted, like education….whatever it is that you wanted within the framework of yiddishkeit….because we all know, you can. You chose to go away out of rebellion to the Ribbono shel Oilem and for that you will have to pack cheshbon one day. It is between the One Above and you…nobody else. We still love you all the same. I have close family members in your shoes…We all have bechira when we are handed things that don’t seem to conform with our “feelings”. Life is tough and there are many challenges to handle. That is what Hashem wants of us and a time to test our faith. It is not random that he chose to put you into your family. Knowing your nature, it was something Hashem chose for you to see where you want to take all this….and you made your choice…however, it does not have to be permanent..Hashem is waiting for you…for me…for all of us …to do what he wants and what the Torah asks of us.
I love you, you are one of us…a loving yiddishe daughter of our NATION…and that will never change. You are welcome to come back whenever your seichel will dictate that your “kind of happiness and freedom” in the end…is no freedom at all.
Every freedom needs rules…otherwise it is not freedom, it is chaos!!!
Love you.