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Monday, October 20, 2014

A Tribute to Joey Diangello aka Yoel Deutsch


The Family of Yoel Deutsch will not be sitting Shiva for him, so don't bother trying to find out where the Shiva is. Some Rebbele decided to go against Halachic norm and told them not to sit. Ironically, The Mordechai, a Rishon and a commentary on the Talmud records in Mesactas Sanhedrin, that the Rabbeinu Gershom had a son that converted to Christianity, and that the Rabbeinu Gershom sat shiva for him twice, once when he converted and once when he died! Joey remained a Jew to his unfortunate death!
But this Rebbele knows better.
The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Monday the 26th of Tishrei 5775 and October 20th, 2014
Good Bye Joey
I received the phone call at about 11 AM.
Joey Diangello was no longer among the living and was going to be buried today in the Monsey cemetery.
The details of the burial seemed to be shrouded in mystery and it was unclear what time the burial would take place.
On account of the lack of clarity and to avoid any sort of discomfort for anyone, I did not attend.
I have not seen Joey Diangello since 2010.
I was told that he was born ‘Yoel Deutsch’ into a Hasidic family in Williamsburg.
He apparently attended a Chassidic educational institution in his youth and I can imagine that he must have arrived home on Friday afternoon with a parsha sheet with questions and Torah thoughts eagerly waiting to share them with his parents.
I can imagine he sang songs in Cheder with the Rebbe and the other Jewish children and was no doubt taught that Hashem and His people are kind and beloved.
Perhaps he watched his mother light the Shabbos candles on Friday evening and anticipated a warm and love-filled kiss from her as she turned and wished him a Gutten Shabbos.
And I am sure his father blessed him on Erev Yom Kippur that he should grow to become a Torah scholar and a model Orthodox Jew.
When I met Joey, his arms were covered with tattoos depicting scenes I did not want to stare at.
His fingernails were painted with black nail polish and he was drinking large glasses of non-Kosher wine at a rate which made me wonder how a human being could ingest so much alcohol.
He no longer studied the parsha and no longer received a kiss from his mother on Friday evenings.
Who was Joey Diangello?
Was he a successful businessman?
Was he married and did he settle down and have his own child to raise as he thought proper?
He was not a successful businessman and he never did marry and his friends were not to be counted in the hundreds.
However, he did his best to help others.
Most of all, Joey Diangello was in pain.
When I visited him twice in the hospital over the years, he was in pain.
When I spoke to him in Shul in 2009 he was in pain.
And he was in pain when he left this world.
I had not had any contact with Joey from 2010 until this past summer.
Out of the blue I received the following email from him:
“Good morning. There's a TV show called CSI that I never watch but I do remember on scene maybe 6 years ago. Where a male sees his female colleague is not having a gr8 day.
Whn he asks her about it she goes on. About this and that. at the end of him listening "and not interrupting eveb once". She huggs him says, you always have the perfect thing to say, of which I wanna thank u for saying all the prct things when I nEed it. You just listened and thank u.  
Best, Joey”
He went on to say that he read the Short Vort and was touched by what I wrote.
Needless to say, I was touched by his email and encouraged him to visit.
I was disappointed that when he actually took me up on my offer and on Thursday before Yom Kippur, I missed his visit and he later that day he wrote the following:
I just wanted to pass along my hello from earlier today when I (stopped by outside the Shul)  in Passiac to get my hair done.  Have a gr8 rest of yomtov and easy fast
Best, Joey
I was happy though we had reconnected and he called me soon after to tell me had taken up marathon running and seemed to be finally getting into a ‘good place’.
He even sent me a Rosh Hashanah greeting that when I went back to read today sent shivers up my spine:
I just wanna say "Leshana tovah" to you and your family. May this upcoming year b a suicide death free year is all I ask.  Luv, me.
Best, Joey
Joey Diangello came into this world like me and like you.
He had dreams and he had hopes; he had happiness and joy.
No one ever dreamt that at 34 years old his funeral would be held in a flurry of secrecy and misinformation.
No one imagined that ‘Yoeli Deutsch’ would end up as Joey Diangello being quickly and almost clandestinely buried alone in so many ways so far from the Williamsburg of his youth.
I cannot and will not judge Joey Diangello.
I will not iconize him as much as I would never demonize him.
He was a human being with all of the foibles and strengths which come with the human experience.
There is though one thing I will say about Joey Diangello.
Joey Diangello lived a life a pain.
He suffered through his life and he could never escape the pain which constantly hounded him.
And for that pain and for that agony which defined his life I am sad.
I am sad for the man who will no longer write: “May this upcoming year b a suicide death free year is all I ask.  Luv, me.”
And I am sad for Yoeli Deutsch who ceased to exist years ago.
Most of all though; I am sad for us.
For whatever the bloggers will write and whatever the ‘experts’ will say, Joey Diangello did not have to have his life tragically ended at 34.
And for all of us whom he touched and for those of us who attempted to touch him, I cry.
I cry for Yoeli Deutsch who never was and for Joey Diangello who never will be.
And I cry as I wonder what more could have been done and what should be done.
Good bye Joey, I am sorry I missed your visit.
“If Not Now, Then When?”-Hillel
Ron Yitzchok Eisenman, Rabbi, Congregation Ahavas Israel, Passaic, NJ  

Subject: In memory of Joseph Diangello

This essay was written by Mark Weiss.

Today was a difficult yet strangely uplifting and healing day. My friend Joseph Diangello has passed away and I went to his funeral to try to be with him as he departed this earth. I went to the cemetery with my close friends Joel Engelman and Beth Neugarten amongst others and promptly discovered that someone in his family switched the time to an hour earlier so we missed the actual funeral.

But then an amazing thing happened.... at the time that most of us thought it would start, more and more people started showing up. Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz came as well and led us in a second graveside service for Joey, ironically a private affair for just his friends and those who cared about him. Some of us spoke and shared memories of Joey. I thought it was beautiful and meaningful for all of us.

Afterward we met Joey's sister and brother in law whom he did have a good relationship with for many years. We went to their house and we all sat around the table to comfort his sister and to reminisce about our departed friend. It was nice to hear everyone talking about how Joey had somehow touched their life and despite the fact that some of the family members have sadly decided not to sit Shiva, this experience was at least somewhat of a substitute for that and was very healing for all. Indeed as I was leaving I wished his sister the "Hamakom Yenachem" prayer said to a mourner sitting Shiva.

It is important that everyone know that Joey's death was ruled accidental by the New York City medical examiner.

He had really started to get his life together in the end. He had a strong will to live and make a life for himself.

It is so tragic to lose a friend like him and I hope his passing will inspire everyone out there who is suffering with their own issues to discover the fact that no matter how bleak things seem to be there are many many people out there who care.

My phone was chiming all day with messages from people familiar and unfamiliar to me sending words of support and caring which I was able to share with his sister and to everyone in our group.

May Joey's memory be for a blessing. We will miss you forever. Rest in peace.



39 comments:

Anonymous said...

He was given a kvura b'yisrael so why can't they sit shiva?

Anonymous said...

Meabod atzmo lodaas.

Anonymous said...

Me'abed atzmo is not so poshut because many people in that category are not well enough to be considered a rotzayach of themselves.

Dusiznies said...

11:17
According to the Coroner's report the death was accidental ...

BT said...

Rabbeinu Gershom's son was forced to convert. Joey did his things out of his own free will.

Anonymous said...

Nebbuch

Anonymous said...

Its not so poshut,, obviously the family asked their rav, and followed daas Torah, its foolish to even comment about something you know nothing about.

Dusiznies said...

4:34
What exactly do you mean by saying
"daas Torah"?

Anonymous said...

May his death serve as a wakeup call to all "activists" not to incite against the community!!

Anonymous said...

He was molested. I know 2nd hand some of the damage it causes.

sick of satmar said...

He didn't kill himself. His abusers killed him. It just took a long time for his body to follow his soul.

I have seen it up close. There are no complete survivors of childhood sex abuse. It never goes away and the kehillah's sickening lack of caring for anything but it's image is salt poured into open wounds on a daily basis.

shame on you Satmar. Shame on you Skvere. Shame on you Agudah. Shame on you YU. Shame on you Lakewood. Shame on you Torah Umrsorah. Shame on us for tolerating such poor excuses for leadership.

lo sa'amod al dam raiechoh. Any of you "leaders" ever hear of it?

Time to clean out our leaders and gutters.

Satmar has his blood on their hands.

Anonymous said...

6:03, What are you talking about?

Anonymous said...

I was a very close friend of yoli I still remember him when there was only one bobov chasidus. And bobover shtible In williamsburg was on .lee avenue .btw.hewes and.penn.street. we davend together over there when yoli was still a real nice good chasidish bobover bucher. A good bucher and plus I am a father of a ((disabled child)) plus my child is a terrible victic of sexual abuse in our frum williamsburg community. And a victim. Has a terrible hard life. But a miserable life. So yoli my old good friend may you rest in peace. From a broken father of a victim son

Anonymous said...

To anybody first of all because I am a parent of a child a victim of sexual abuse nobody should ever bash a victim especially when he is already not anymore whit us its such a shame to write now bad comments on a broken holy neshuma a victim of abuse. And when a family has to go tru such kind of pain loosing a child please I beg every body. If you don't no what a victim goes tru his entire life please dont write a comment but forsure not when the victim had to end his life. Because of his tremendues stress. In his miserable screwd life from me a father of a victim child please everybody. Have a heart over hear only good comments thanks

Anonymous said...

Thanks to the moron at 6:03 who just convinced me to become an "activist".

I would like my first act to be summoning 6:03 over here so I can punch him in the face.

Rabbi said...

According to the teshuva of Rav Shmuel Wosner's beis din, a molested child is already considered a murder victim due to the intense suffering resulting from the molestation. In Shamayim they posken according to what the gedolei haposkim say down here so even if it was by his own hand, I don't think he would be held accountable.

Anonymous said...

He was in pain that's why he behaved the way he did, not for any of us to judge him; as is not to judge his parents for not sitting shiva, the're in as much pain. Thanks Rabbi for your vort.

Anonymous said...

Shame on you!!!!!!!!!!! Shame on you!!!!!!!!! Shame on you!!!!!!! Shame on you!!!!!!!!!, you self hating, g_d hating, Tora hating, person, deep inside you know how very wrong you are, deep in your subconscious mind you're full of envy of the authentic original ehrliche yidden, including Satmar square Bobov brisk Lakewood etc etc etc, but are to big of coward, and too big of a baal taave to join either if them, so I guess that it leaves you with one option to find faults with them, wether straight lies or fabrications to suit your guilty conscious, again and again, let's repeat that refrain, Shame on you!!!!!!!!!! SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!! SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!! Shame on you!!!!!!!!! SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!

william gran said...

lol anonymous

Anonymous said...

I truly am sorry your son is a victim. I am a victim and thank God it didn't affect me like others. 1 because I had a lot worse s..t in my life so maybe I was distracted and never internalized it. 2 I went for help on my other issues and I know how to react with pain a lot better.
BH I have children of my own. The day of my Chuppah as I pleaded to God for children I begged him to never let them be abused in any way especially the way I was.

(Jokingly) how can you write on the web? You should be in jail for killing your son's abuser. Lol
I bless you and your family especially your son to find closer and healthy happiness. Stay strong.

sick of satmar said...

What does Brisk have to do with any of this? They also protect killers like Weberman? I never heard that and I don't believe it to be true.
I don't know about Bobov.
The ones I mentioned have proved records of protecting abusers and punishing victims and their families.

Anonymous said...

I would like to clarify something here and I hope readers can accept it with open minds and hearts.
I knew Joel/Yoilish well – very well. He was a broken, confused, tormented soul from his baby years. I don’t want to go into the painful details of his early years, his toddler years, his little boy years, prior to age 7 when he was supposedly raped in the local ritual bath. He was problematic, psychopathic and a social misfit from day one. Unfortunately, his sick mind was never able to differentiate between truth and lies, between reality and fantasy. Hence, his concocted stories of molestation. When confronted by a sibling years ago, he admitted that he lied about the rape allegations and responded, ‘Well, if it didn’t happen to me, it happened to somebody else.’ He jumped the molestation bandwagon in order to be perceived as a person with a cause and perhaps to be seen in some sort of positive light, whereas otherwise there was unfortunately nothing positive about his life and nothing for him to associate himself with where he would be perceived as a ‘mentsch’.
While I strongly condemn all forms of molestation within any and all communities, and all coverups of these heinous crimes, Joel Deutsch was never a victim of such. He was a victim of his own mind and of his resistance to appropriate psychological and psychiatric interventions during his younger years.
May he rest in peace, finally.

Anonymous said...

2;04, thanks for the information. Too many people are acused who are innocent.People shouldn't jump to conclusions about anybody because someone can accuse you too.Wives do it to husbands during a divorce and teens seeking attention do it also. it's a scary fact that anybody can be accused of molesting and it's almost impossible to disprove.

Dusiznies said...

2:04
if that is true... then it's even sadder than I thought....
But in either case, I think his parents should have sat shiva for him, but I guess they felt that sitting shiva for him would send the "wrong" message to his siblings.

Anonymous said...

1) He was NEVER molested he was a problematic child and since age of 12 he started to show a hatred towards Judaism
2) A person who had a cross tattooed on his body and someone who publicly desecrated the Shabbos and even this past Yom Kippur and who himself wished to be cremated IT'S CLEARLY ACCORDING TO HALACHA NOT TO SIT SHIVA after
TEHEY MISOSO KAPOROSO

Joe Schmo said...

Even if there was no rape in the mikva, wasn't he molested by Weberman? Weberman seemed to have been shaken up when Joey heckled him outside the trial.

Anonymous said...

I am the 2:04 commenter:
The Weberman molestation has as much truth to it as all the other molestation accusations spewed by Joel; he was never molested. Period. If Weberman was shaken up, it was most likely from the shock and audacity of the lie. Just for kicks, Mr. Joe Schmo, if somebody you knew 15 years ago were to suddenly approach you in public and blatantly accuse you of molesting them many years back, wouldn't you be shaken up?
As to the no sitting shivah policy - we have a Torah that dictates our lives. For those of you who wish to poo-poo this, don't even continue reading. The parents consulted Daas Torah and were told they do not have to sit shivah. Let's reflect for a moment - what goes on during shivah lo aleinu - during conventional shiva? People come and express their condolences to the mourners by recounting all the special deeds of the deceased, thereby bringing a measure of comfort to the mourners. What would shivah for this young man be all about? Enough said.

Joe the Plumber (Shmuel Yosef Wurzelbacher) said...

Were any of the media reporters told this alleged no-molestation bombshell about Joey?

Anonymous said...

if anyone really knew Joe, he would have NEVER wanted to be buried where he was nor have anyone shit Shiva. He denounced his former religion (and all religion for that matter)!! I hope that he will haunt and torment his abusers and all those against him for all of eternity.

Anonymous said...

I'm a little suspicious about this claim that DiAngelo was never molested.

Why?

Because there are several molesters who have on their behalf both internet trolls & real live enablers who spread propaganda that yeah sure there is nebich molestation going on, but you've got the wrong guy here because he is definitely not a molester.

Anonymous said...

To 2:04,
you should leave shiva alone. I will poo-poo what you wrote beause this isn't the first time in our history that something like happened and family still sat shiva. It depends whom you ask and that rabbi is also guided by the Torah as you write . What the shiva would be about, as you wrote, would be none of your business.

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:37, If you're saying that as per rabbis , they didn't have to sit shiva, but they made this decision themselves no to sit.In that case why mix in the Torah? They made decision based on their own private reasons to which they're entitled but this is not a Torah decision as you want us to believe, it's a private decision, right or wrong.

Anonymous said...

Morie verabosie. Lets think for a minute. How lo can we become-?? When somebody took his own life so yong. He had so much problems we are still not happy inuf -?? But we would not even let a ((broken neshumu)) rest in peace-?? We must now. Talk bad on a yung niftar who didn't had -1-good day in his life -?? We became so lo like a terrible story what happened this year on the holiest day of our calendar ((yoim kippur)) by tefilas -neula- when somebody in shull showed his middle finger to a father of a victim and screemd out loud on that father' ((in middle of neula)) you fuckin nigger because your sons abuser sits in jail. Go and take him out you fuckin nigger. Yes this happend in a Williamsburg Hasidic shull. In yoim kippur. In middle of ((neula)) inuf lo to be-??? How much more dose a victim or his parents have to suffer. -?? But stop talking bad on a nifter let the nifturim rest in peace ((thanks from the fuckin nigger father))

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 3;02,
You sound so righteous but ur dead wrong. There's a big difference between a mummer who philosophically left Judaisim and desecrated Shabbat to one who because of psych issues or abuse left.Don't apply rules from one to Yoiley situation. It's not "clearly" at all, only to you.

Anonymous said...

Joe Schmo
"weberman seemed to be shaken when he was heckled by Joey" of course he was look in the eyes of this drug addict WHO WOULDN'T BECOME SHAKEN WHEN A SUCH FACE IS APPROACHING?

Anonymous said...

The question is not if-?? If yoli dautch was a victim or not-?? The question is why but why do we still till today' support and showing support to all abusers. And molesters why-?? What about. The victims-?? What has to happen whit the victims-?? Aren't they aloud. To cry-?? Aren't they aloud to have a. Voice-??? Why dose the -sick chazir the molester getting the biggest support in the world-?? And the victims-??? Should go to hell-?? They should take suicide and say good by to the world-?? Because-?? Because we feel a ((choiv kudoish )) to show the sick molesters. That it is okay what They did till today' to thousands of children -?? What is wrong whit us kllall yisroel-?? Dont we wont to stop this epidemic-?? This terrible sickos-?? This sick people who are ruining our childrens lives-?? Why are we afraid to stop them. -??? Why do we keep hurting the victims. And there family's why-??? O is it ((alilas -80--??)) Sick

Dennis Hinnaoui said...

i have no idea who any of you people are but to read some of the things im reading here, i can only say wow!!!!! i believe that everyone has to pay for all the wrong they do, and some of you with all the hatred and evil in your heart will have a hefty price to pay!!!! whether you agree with someone or not, not one of you live such a clean and perfect life that you have the right to talk about anybody in such a way!! you should live in fear of your own condemnation!!!! and what a bunch of cowards to not even identify yourselves. how do you look at yourselves in the mirror. COWARDS!!!!

Anonymous said...

Rabosie ((1)) lets remind our selfs why was the holy bies hamikdush(churiv)-?? Because like the people like us because of ((sinas chinum)) -h-a-t-e- now lets talk here lies a broken neshumu in his grave. But we are still not happy that this child didn't had -1-good day in his life and he ended his life. So yong. He said good by to the world. By -32-years old. But we decided. Its still. Not inuff for us. We will. Not let this nifter rest in peace. Now we will take the time. An being ((maspid)) this holy broken neshumu with all our. Bad bad comments. Ok so now. I will be maspid to. This boy yoli was a terrible victim from sexual abuse yes. If we like it or not. ((In Williamsburg we dont like to hear this because its a sick mitzva by us to support every abuser )) and the victims must take suicide. Yoli had a father' who when he tried to cry to him tati I am hurt I am in pain. Help me tati please-??? Tati would answer him. Yoli tiere. Dont you see I am busy now I got a new job-?? So yoli would ask tati  what's your new job-?? Tati would answer him dont you see-?? There is an ((eruv)) in Williamsburg. And when I see a -woman- a viebele -carrying her baby in the carriage. I must run after her. Like a crazy nut head. And. Screem. At her loud and clear -mechalelaihu. Mois yimus. Yoli I can't take care now on you. I am now busy. Correcting. Williamsburg. How can I listen. To your problems wright now. Yoli I am so sorry for.you but now. Your already. Dead. I will not even sit ((shiva)) on you. I will rather. Show love. To. Chaim shiyele halberstam ((satmar ruv of monsey))

Anonymous said...

Don't mix apples and oranges. His father's 'eiruv mission' had nothing to do with Joel's upbringing and sick mind. In fact, his father spent more time with him than most fathers spend with all their kids together. Let me ask you, when was the last time YOUR father sat and watched a Yankess game on television with you because you were down and out? Joel's ultra chassidic father did. He did what needed to be done, when it needed to be done and left no stone unturned to help and heal his son. Joel was a gonner way before the eiruv issue became an issue.